From the PenCIL of a Writer

2008-06-26T23:01:00.001-05:00

What if I really meant everything that I said on the phone? What if I really am sick of you? What if I really want to be done with you? You don't even care. You wouldn't stop me from running, you wouldn't stop me from leaving you. You wouldn't care. You'd say it was simply my choice, and I hate to chose what I wanted to do, and you wouldn't do anything about it. Is that how its supposed to be? I think now. You are supposed to be the one to stop me, and ask me what's going on, and lets talk about it. And you say you know when I need you, and you ask me what's wrong, and you don't! You don't ask. You don't know. You are so focused on you, you can't even see what's wrong with me. I've needed you for so long, but I don't want to just up and talk about it, you need to give me time, to think about it, and to let it sink in before I want to talk about it. Where have you been all this time?!

Thoughts Today

2007-12-01T21:21:00.001-06:00

If what I saw in the movie was really me and you, I think that would be the best time of my life. The thing is, I don't know where I'm at anymore, I don't what I'm doing right, or the many things I'm doing wrong. The people I'm blowing off, the things I chose not to share, just because I can't contain them anymore.

If it was just you and me, and we were sitting in the darkness of the night, with the oceans waves crashing below us, when no one else was around, and it was a dark night, and the light was only the light of the light we brought with us, maybe things would be different. Maybe I would feel as though I really could tell you everything, and that I really could let you know whats going on right now, but for some reason, I don't have the guts to.

Life is life, and it's not always fun for me. Living with two guys can be a pain in the butt, cause they don't understand anything. And plus, they don't know that sometimes us as girls want some time alone, and not with you around. Sometimes, we just need friends to talk to and help us through everything we are going through, whether they are just sitting and watching us, or holding us in their arms, sometimes that's all we need. Sometimes someone willing to stand by my side is all I could ever want. Sometime it takes more than than. Step back and look, I'm an ordinary girl growing up without a Mom. Done it since I was not even 2. I'm used to it. Does that mean it's easy? No. Does that mean it kills most of the time? Yeah. Does that mean I don't trust God with it? No, I do trust Him, do I understand why? No, but I trust Him, and hope He really does know what He is doing, cause I sure don't.

Sometimes, I just don't understand and wish that perfect movie picture was true. Sometimes all I want is to be with someone, and talk to them and get my feelings out, and have them listen, and give me hugs, comfort me, encourage me, cause I need it more than they know.

Thoughts

2007-11-28T16:13:00.000-06:00

God has been laying something on my heart a lot lightly, and it's out of my comfort zone. God has been calling me into different areas of leadership. And your thinking, what's wrong with that?

All my life, I have been a follower, I don't want to be the way to set a trend, and I don't want to be the person telling someone they are wrong, or whatever. Second off, I don't want to be a leader, I have been living all my life as a follower, and yeah not saying I don't have some clones around, but I mean it's not like I have actually talked about it. My faith is so important to me, but no one would have any idea, because I don't talk about my feelings much.

But, God has been giving me ideas, and telling me, "Kate, it's time you got out of your comfort zone and started helping those around you, instead of just sitting and watching." Here's the thing, for a whole 13 years of my life, I have watched, sat in the bleachers, and God is finally calling out of that.

Magnificent Holy Father
I stand in awe of all I see
Of all the things You have created
But still You choose to think of me
Who am I that You should suffer
Your very life to set me free
The only thing that I can give You
Is the life You gave to me
This is my offering, dear Lord
This is my offering to You, God
And I will give You my life
For it’s all I have to give
Because You gave Your life for me

And sometimes, I know for a fact that when I sit in the bleachers, I am not using the life that God gave me in the right way. I could do so much more with it, but I don't. I want to be an offering to you, God, an offering with my life.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T19:11:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving you say? Doesn't excite me. Sitting around home, looking at everything around me, doesn't make me feel proud, doesn't make me want anything better. You ask, shouldn't you be thankful on thanksgiving? Shouldn't you be thankful for those around you? Yeah, sure I'm thankful for my Dad and my brother, but sometimes they can just be a pain. And sometimes, I get overwhelmed.

But maybe, today it is time to just step back and look around me. I am surrounded by a huge group of friends, all around me, catching me when I fall, catching my tears on their shoulders when I cry, supporting me through thick and thin, being people I can count on. Yeah, maybe sometimes they all aren't there, and maybe sometimes I wish there was other people in my life, but ya know, all in all, I have to look back and see all the blessings that I do have.

Yeah, life stinks so much sometimes, and yeah, there are so many times I want to run away from my life, and so many times, I just wish that the rest of the pain of everything goes away, it doesn't seem to listen. But, sometimes I just have to remember that God will put me through hard stuff, but that's when I need to just fall down, and say God, I know I can't do this on my own, sometimes God brings me to points where all I can is look up at God, and say I was made to be dependent, and I need you.

And yeah, I'm sick of hearing God's got a plan for my life, but I know it's true, and I can't help but smile to know that. I may hate life, but maybe it's just time to look and see that God really does have a plan, and knew what he was doing when he put each and everything thing in my life.

"You give and take away, you give and take away, and my heart will CHOSE TO SAY Lord, blessed be your name."

Yeah, it does hurt sometimes around the holidays, when people spend all the time and talk about all the blast they had/have with their family, and yeah it does hurt sometimes to watch you all smile, when pain surrounds me, but the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, and it all ends up in His plan.

"You give and take away, and my heart will CHOSE to say, Lord blessed be your name."

MY STUPID LIFE!!

2007-11-20T22:57:00.000-06:00

Ever just wish for a second, that people would leave you alone? Ever just wish people would stop doing something so badly, but they don't listen? This is all I want out of the world. I want people to stinkin just stop pitying me? Whats pity you may ask? Maybe that's the first place to start. Pity is giving me sympathy for something I don't need or want it for, in other words, giving my sympathy that won't help me at all in the near future, or in any future.

People, stop watching me in pain, and saying I'm sorry! Stop standing around me and complaining how you don't like this, when your mom's gone and it's just you and your dad, stop complaining to me about that, cause guess what, THAT'S MY LIFE! I have no pity for you, and I don't want pity back in return. So get over your complaining about how it's only when your Mom is gone, cause my mom has been gone for 12 and a half YEARS! Hear that, not like tiny little days, years, years!! This isn't little things, this isn't lies, this is the flat out truth of my entire life.

You don't know what it's like to sit around your whole life waiting to see what in the world God was thinking in this. You don't know how much it hurts to look at your perfect life, when mine is falling into pieces. You want someone to understand the little things, well guess what, I want someone to understand this too, but guess what, no one does. So get over your complaing about how your Mom's going to be gone for 2 days, wait till your Mom is gone for 12 and a half years and is NEVER COMING BACK!

Yes, I don't have a Mom, and yes it kills like nothing else. And don't even try to tell me you understand cause you don't. You haven't been there, your great uncles grandpa's cousins plumber dieing doesn't even count. Not in any ways, cause when your standing in my spot, you see it's a whole lot different, a whole lot more painful, and a whole lot more wanting and needing someone around.

So don't tell me you understand until you ARE STANDING WHERE I HAVE STOOD THE PAST 12 AND A HALF YEARS OF MY LIFE!

Ashes for Beauty?

2007-11-17T18:24:00.000-06:00

Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay EVERY burden down
At the foot of the cross

Walking through life, we pick things up along the way. One day we decide to pick this up or that up at the store, and we keep walking. What would happen if we didn't ever lay any of that down? What would happen if every time we walked through a store, we bought something and we didn't lay it down, but just carried it around instead? Do you think the pile of stuff would ever get heavy? How stupid would that be and look? How stupid would that be?

You read that, and simple think, Kate your crazy, why would anyone do that? And that truth is, that so many of have. Maybe it's not really things, like maybe it's not like food, clothes, whatever, but a lot of the time, it's burdens.

What are you talking about? You may ask.... this...
1.) losing someone you love, maybe by simply just breaking up with a boyfriend, losing a best friend, cause of their choice, or really having someone you love die
2.) parents getting divorced
3.) stress...

There are so many burdens that you carry, that you don't want to let go of. Maybe it's something that would comfort you, or so you think, that would make you feel better about yourself, that would give you courage to move on, I don't know. I don't know what has gone on in your life, but I'm guessing that some where along the way, you have picked something up. Some kind of pain, some kind of maybe even just sin that you don't think belongs. Who knows what it is, but maybe theirs something you have carried around your whole life. And maybe people have tried to push God onto you, telling that He loves you, but maybe that's just another heavy book to carry around all the time. Maybe it surrounds you, and you just don't want it.

Maybe, like me, your sick of walking around carrying all these useless burdens, and refusing to let anyone see them. Maybe you've tried giving them to someone else, but no one was strong enough to take them, and just gave them back to you, even worse than they were before. I don't know, cause, truth be told, I love a totally different life than you do, and sometimes. Maybe it feels like it would be so much easier to carry around, till you have carried it around for so long, and you need a break, but know you can't take one.

Look up, and what do you see? Maybe all you see is open arms, but those are God's open arms. He says that he will give you rest, but only if you can lay your burdens down. But you say, I can't, there will be no more comfort, it's my security, or maybe it's just stuck to you, cause you've carried it around so long, refusing to get help.

But tonight, no matter where you are, no matter who you are, and no matter what burdens your carrying, lay them down at the cross. It's right in front of you and look, God's standing there with open arms, ready for you to come in and sit in His lap, cry on his shoulder, whatever, cause you are his child, and his creation, which he loves. It may be a hard process, but God will help you carry that load. Will he really want them? You may ask, yeah, He's ready to help you carry the load, even better, carry it for you. So tonight, lay the burdens down at God's feet, and feel the warmth of His warm embrace around you. Cause maybe you have been carrying them your whole life, and now it's time to let them go, to someone who truly can help you with the heavy load.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. -God

Father's love letter

2007-11-15T16:24:00.001-06:00

Tonight

2007-11-13T16:37:00.000-06:00

V1:
I close my eyes
And all I see is darkness
I look all around to see your face
But I lose you in the crowd
I want to feel your presence
But all I feel is air

Chorus:
I know your there
I see you work all around me
But I don't feel your presence with me
God, where are you?
God, I need you here tonight

V2:
I can't find you anywhere
I wonder if your even here
I've searched for so long
I wish you where here, tonight

Chorus

Bridge:
Your live is amazing
but i need to feel it
God, I want you
God, I need you

Chorus

By: Kate Crane
CopyWrong2007

Pain!

2007-11-11T21:58:00.000-06:00

"When I hear your name, it's not the same, no matter what they say, I'm not okay."

No matter if they what the song is really talking about, that's how it is with me.

I look two rows infront of me, and see a happy family of girls. Theres a Mom in the middle, and two young girls on each side, one looking aobut 11, and the other about 8. I hear the Mom speak to the girls, letting them chose where they were going to sit, before they say two rows infront of me, and the kind words she spoke to them through out the service. In worship, I saw the Mom wrap her arms around both girls, and whisper "secrets" in their ears, during communian, she grabbed their hands, and walked up to the station with them, and when the say back down, the 8 year old girl lay her head on her Mom's shoulder, and rested it there.

Look two rows back, and you would see me. There were two empty seats next to me, one to the left, one to the right, look over a seat, and see my dad, talking to the lady sitting next to him, like I didn't even exist. Watch me as I worship, you'll start to see that God means more to me, and is my last option, and I don't care whose around me at the moment, but wait for awhile, and suddenly there is a sense of being alone, looking around, looking two rows up, at the people and happy family infront of me, and the love that family has, compared to the messed up family I live in.

Cross the isle, go up three rows, and you'll see a couple; probably late teens, early 20's. They look happy. They wrap their arms around each other, and you think about the love that they could truly have for each other, and what they love would be like. Maybe it's some of that love I wish I had.

Do you know how much pure toucher that was for me? Do you know how much that put pain through my entire body? Cause more than anything else in my life, that's what I want, I want a Mom. Someone to pick me up, and wrap their arms around me, and tell me things will be okay. I wish someone would tell me it would be okay, and then take the time to make it okay, by being there for me, loving on me, giving me what I'm missing out on in my life.

I hurt, more than alot of my friends sometimes it seems, it seems like I don't belong with them, because my life is so much different. I want a Mom in my life. My best friend is the closest I have, and the fight thats going on between us, breaks my heart. Cause after "Mom" moved, my heart hurts, and I've missed the love and the hugs, but your hugs have started to feel like hers, and in them I'm starting to feel okay, like I could cry and you wouldn't even care. (you know what I mean). I don't know what to do, I can't sit and watch this anymore, it hurts to watch.

By the end of the service, I couldn't look across the isle, I couldn't look two rows infront me, cause it hurts too much, cause I give all my love away to those I care about, and sometimes I just need some back in return. I don't know, sometimes I just don't understand what God is doing in this all.

MOM!

2007-11-08T22:14:00.000-06:00

I guess the hardest part is moving on, and not just saying that I'm going to move on, but to really move one. The thing is, my Mom lives in me, and I miss her so much, cause it's just like this passion and need for her won't go away. And the thing is, I really a hurting in so many ways. Cause, I don't understand this at all. I don't know why God had to chose me, and I don't know why it can kill so bad sometimes.

And it's like, why can't my dad stop yelling at me, and just notice I need a friend. Like in movies, you can walk away, and parents know something is wrong, and they do something about it, and I wish my dad could tell, and would do something about it. Call a best friend, tell them to get their butt over here, and talk to me, or just let them come over on their own will. I just need a friend, but I don't trust any of my friends, but my loyal Knight, the rest could care less and could just look at the small picture of it all and say that nothings wrong, when inside I kill like never before. All I need is a friend hanging around, letting me talk when needed, not forcing me to talk, and just the random hugs at random moments, that just remind me you are there and you do care, but no one else does, and I don't know.

I don't know, it seems like no matter what I do, memories find their way in. Tonight it was a stupid movie, tomorrow who knows what it will be. I don't have patient to be around other people, all I want is you, Dani.

It's just I miss you so much, Mom. I promise you its every time I look and see me, there is an image of you there too. I miss you more than I ever have before, I just wish their was a girl around, and I wasn't left all alone to face life on my own, cause I can promise you that's not easy. I feel so broken, so messed up, and I don't know what else to say besides, I miss you and wish somehow you could be here, and I could talk to you, just once.

And it kills me to think that your gone for good, I guess the 13 years is catching up to me, I can't put it off anymore, cause it hurts all too much. I need someone there all the time, but no one is, and I don't know, it just kills me.

2007-11-07T17:36:00.000-06:00

I Wanna Be Your Best Friend
By: Kate Crane
Dedicated to: Dani Boucher

I see you standing there
I wonder what you want me to do
I watch your every move
I think I’ve got you figured out

You change your mood
And I get lost
I wonder if I’ll ever figure you out
I want to be the best friend I can
But I feel as though I just mess up

I want to be there for you
Every time you fall
But you push me away
And I don’t think you need me at all

I want to be your best friend
There by your side each step of the way
But how can I do it?
When all you do is push me away
I want you to trust me
But you seem never able to

I want to be there for you
Every time you fall
I wish you could just take my hand
And learn to not let go
And learn not to let go

I can see the pain in your eyes
And I don’t know what to doWill I ever win this fight? Or will you learn to let go?

*Attempted song, dumb, but working on music to go with it, so it's not just lyrics, not going so well tho. :)

My Life Falling Apart

2007-11-04T21:30:00.000-06:00

My world falls down right before my eyes

First off comes the "depression", cause I stinkin miss you so much
The thought of feeling alone
Not understanding
Questioning
This goes on for a week and and a half, and I still don't understand it

Then things start to get better
And my dad comes along with his ragging
Claims he never spazzes at me
And then tells me that if I think it's good than it's good
And he yells at me later cause it's not good enough
And well, I'm sorry I'm your germfreakish daughter
And I'm sorry that I have a "Mom" that cares about me
And call me to say happy birthday
And doesn't call you
Maybe she understands that I need some love
Cause I don't get love from a Mom
So she tries her best to fill that in for me
Ever even think how I feel about this?
And sorry I'm grumpy
I don't even know how I am

Do you even understand how much life stinks for me right now?
Do you understand what it's like to be a girl, living in an all guys family?
Do you understand what it's like to lose two of the closest people to me, in 13 years?
And to lose so many best friends
And finally find one I trust
And you hate me talking to her
Cause I'm wasting my time
I would be no where with her

And God, are you even out there anymore?
Do you even care?

I hate this!
It all kills too much.
I need a friend
But I'm asking for a lot out of you
You sure you can take that?

Every Saturday

2007-11-03T21:16:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's not just because my emotions have got a hold of me and won't let me go, maybe it's because it really does sting. Thinking about it more and more makes it sting so much more. Thinking about it makes me wonder why it had to happen. Thinking about it, I feel tears swell up in my eyes, cause I know there is nothing that I can to fix it. Thinking about it, I wonder why it all had to happen.

Saturdays have never been the same
And I still can’t believe you’re gone
So many things I wish that I could say
I guess the hardest part of moving on
Are these memories that have overtaken me
Once again I’m right here on my knees
I’m barely hanging on
With all these empty feelings
I’m hurting in so many ways
And though I can’t begin to understand the reason
I still believe that you’re GOD

And I still can't believe you're gone:
The thing is, I don't want to think your gone, Mom, I want you to be here, cause I miss you too much, and it kills me everyday. I wish that you were around, and it's not just that my emotions have taken over me, it's like a friend said, your a part of me, your a part of who I am, I'm told I sound like you, and I act like you, and that kills, cause I want to meet you, I want to see your face, I want a hug from you, a comforting hug, the love I never got from Dad, I want it so so bad. I don't want to listen when people say your gone, I don't want you to be gone, I want you to be here with me.

So many things I wish that I could say:
There is so much I want to tell you, and show you, and so many things I just wish you could be proud of me for, I wish that I could not only talk to you, but hear your voice and encouragement from you, cause I need it.

I guess the hardest part is moving on:
It's so hard to thing is to let you go, to move on, to keep walking, to get up, and say hey, your gone, but I still need to move on, cause it hurts so much sometimes, and it just kills a deep hole into you, and it screams. I don't want to move on with the fact that your gone, it's taking me 13 years to.

Are these memories that have over taken me:
They have taken me, yeah maybe I never met you, but the thing is, I can see people all around me, looking, smiling, walking with their moms, talking about how they did this and that, and I just look and say, I wish that was me, I wish I had memories like that with you.

I'm barley hanging on/I'm hurting in so many ways:
I can't hang on anymore, I am about to fall, I don't think I can hang on with this pinkie anymore, I'm going to slip and fall, and Mom, it hurts way too much for me to bear, I wish someone understood that, I wish someone could say, I've been through it, Kate, and I know it's hard, but no one has.

And though I can't begin to understand the reason:
No way do I understand why it is this way, so many questions without answers.

I still believe that your God:
I wish that was true, I wish I could just trust God, but the thing is, it's so hard, cause it hurts so much, I wish it all would go away, but the thing is, it won't, it's stuck with me, and it kills like nothing else.

I guess the point is, I don't understand it and yes it hurts so much more than I can bear some days, and right now, I don't think it's just that my emotions have gotten a hold of me, I think it's that she lives in me, after all I'm her daughter. She shines through me, in different things I do, and I've tried to ignore it for 13 years, I've tried to pretend it doesn't matter. I've told people, it's fine, because I was only one and a half, but the thing is, that's now how it works. I've put it aside, I've tried to push it away and tried to ignore the fact that it even happened, and it's catching up to me and it stings, so so bad. I have cried more in the past week than ever in my life. I can't stand it! It hurts too much. Way too much. I miss you, Mom. Wish you were here.

Still Hurts

2007-11-01T21:10:00.000-05:00

Some of you who read my blog, check it everyday, and by now, your thinking, what in the world is she talking about? She has talked about it way too much, how bad can it really be? But the thing is, you won't understand it till you are standing right where the pain is. You won't know what it's like to lose a mom, until you've lost it. You won't know what it's like to be me, till you have grown up with guys who put you down, make fun of you and your friends and won't leave you alone, and guys who don't see the difference it is for a girl who loses a mom.

And I don't want you to look me in the eye, and say, "Kate, I understand what your going through, my grandpa died last year and that was really hard for me." I'll look you straight in the eye, and say you don't understand and walk away. Your just lost inside the walls I've built. Your looking at the mask and saying its the full truth. Your looking at the smile and following it. Your looking at me and seeing a mask and that's it.

You don't know me, unless you know how much it hurts me. You don't know me, until you sit in front of me and watch me. Cause it kills me, it is like sticking a knife into my heart. And yeah, I don't understand it. I don't get why God chose me to let this all happen to. I don't understand why God would pick me, cause for weak little me, it hurts too much.

It kills like nothing I've ever felt. It came out of nowhere, and just dug it's own little whole into me, and broke me into pieces. It took over me. I can't try and hide it, cause I can only hide it so long, maybe I can make it through a school day, but that's maximum. I've given up trying to ignore it, cause it some how finds it's way into every situation. No matter how hard I try and push it away, it finds its way back, the memories, the dreams, the wishes, the hopes, they are gone, and I'm left to fall flat on my face, to let go.

I'm hurting in so many ways, and I don't understand it at all. I just wish someone would take the time to give me the extra hug in a day, I mean you can tell me you will, but will you really do it?

All the wishes I had, all the times I tried to ignore it, all the time I pushed it away, all the times I tried to play tough and act like it didn't happen, somehow it's caught up with me and it now standing right next to me, pulling me down and pulling me apart. Cause, man it just hurts so so much.

Kills!

2007-10-31T21:58:00.001-05:00

I'm sure it has started to follow me. I'm sure that I can't get it out of my head, and it's just going to stay there and pull me down. I'm sure there is no way that everything can be okay. I don't understand why God did took her, I don't understand where all this sudden pain came from. I don't get why it came out of nowhere and it hurts so much. I don't get how everyday I can make it through a day. I don't get how no one would ever know. I don't get why people can look at me, and just say hey Kate, stop staring off into space, but ya know, maybe I'm doing that just cause it hurts so bad, and just thinking about it kills me more than you could ever understand.

You wish that I would trust you, you try and make me talk, but my best friend can rarely ever get me to talk, so I wouldn't even try. Yeah, she may know all about this, and she may know how I feel about it, but it's cause she's there for me, it's cause she doesn't force me to talk, she LETS ME talk, when I WANT TO TALK, she has never forced me to talk, she has always listened. And if you want to gain trust in me, your going to have to show me some how that you are trustworthy. I'm not going to come out and tell you my life story, if I don't have trust in you. There is ONE PERSON who I have ever told in my 14 years of being alive how I really felt about it all, and that was my best friend.

You want me to be a best friend to you, but when have you been a best friend to me? When have you ever taken the time to listen to me? When have you ever taken the time to try and be my friend, try and understand me and what's going on? When have you just said, "Kate, I know you need me, and I don't know what's going on, but I'm here." Cause yeah, you may look at me, and say hey Kate's tough, she doesn't need anything in return, she always encourages me, why would she need encouragement, she's got it all in her. But do you know how hard it is to listen to your own encouragement? I can't listen to myself, cause I don't. I need it coming from a friend, and if you aren't going to give it to me, maybe I won't give it to you. Cause it's the people who give it who need it most, cause they know what it's like to need it and not get it.

I hurt so much. It kills so much. I wish everything was okay, but it really isn't. I wish that you where still here, I wish that I wasn't alone, the only girl, I wish that I understood, where this ongoing pain came from. I wish someone would take the time out of their day, give me a hug, and let me cry on their shoulder, build trust in me (or be the only one i trust), and try and be the friend back that I try and be for them. I feel like I have one friend out there that I really trust, and she has no idea how much I appreciate everything that she does for me all the time. She has no idea, although I wish she did. I love her so much. But that doesn't make the pain stop, it doesn't make it go away.

You got answers to my question, cause I would really like to know. How can I get so much pain coming from nowhere? How can this hurt so much? I wish it didn't, I wish it was all back that way it was, I wish it was all perfect, I wish you where here. I wish I didn't cry because of you, but on you. I don't get it, and I don't know what to do anymore, got answers for me, fill me in, cause I need to know.

I wish you could ask me if I was okay, and I could honestly tell you I was, but the thoughts, the memories follow me everywhere I go, and they hurt so much. Tears build up all day, the pain builds inside, I don't know what to do anymore, I miss you, and it hurts way too much, it's not even right.

It just kills so much!

Thoughts at the Moment

2007-10-30T19:15:00.000-05:00

Tonight it's not just that I want you
It's the I need you around
Tears stream down my face
I feel like I can't move on
And I tell you what's going on and you listen
To all my questions without answers
To all the pain I feel tonight
And how much it kills like nothing else
I need you tonight
More than I ever have
I've held it in too long
It hurts too much
I wish I could take you away
And just get one good hug from you
And not let go
I wish it didn't have to hurt like this
I wish that I didn't have to remember this
I wish I understood why it hurts so much tonight

But, I don't, it just kills, like nothing else. I'll break down... probably soon.

I Miss You (part 3)

2007-10-30T17:29:00.000-05:00

How many times will you tell me you understand? How many times are you going to sit in front of me, and say, I'm here for you, I understand what your going through, when the closest thing you got to losing a mom, is your grandpa that you never talked to that died when you were a month old. Don't tell me you understand when you really don't. Cause you don't get what depression is, you don't get what its like to want to not move, to cry, but yet keep a reputation of being tough, you don't know what it's like to wish so bad that you had her back, you don't know what it's like to be the only girl in your family and hurt so much you don't even know what to do, but just put the thought away, so you can make it through a day. You don't know what it's like to sit through someone talking about death, and suicide, and then walking and seeing your friends don't even care, and you were trying hard not to cry.

You hold me close in your arms, I loved the way you felt so strong.

You think that maybe I wouldn't know what it would feel like, but ya know, I had someone close enough to me that she was my mom, and she was moved away, and you don't know how stinkin hard that is for me, she was the best. She gave amazing hugs, and now I miss those, those made it so I could go on, the made it all okay, and guess what, it's not. It hurts way too much for me to bear.

Oh how I wish you could see everything that's happening for me...

I wish you could be proud of me, I wish you could be here for me, and yeah maybe I wouldn't talk to you all the time, but I wish you were hear, so we could go out just cause we felt like it, and it wouldn't be with a guy that didn't understand anything I was going through.

And I still shed a tear every once in a while

More than you know, cause I miss her so much some days, there are days I'll sit in my room and cry for no reason, just cause I wish she was around, or maybe it's not even her, I wish Tammy was around. But the thing is, their not, and that kills me so much.

You can't tell me you understand cause I know you don't. And if you would stinkin take the time to listen to me, maybe you would understand. If you would stinkin even care to look at me, knowing life stinks, and say hey Kate, this is cause i love you, and give me a nice hug, sper of the moment, you don't know what that would mean to me.

Sorry, I'll shut up, I'm just kinda getting out my thoughts, to someone, even if no one reads this, but ya know, at least it's out there.

I Miss You (Cont)

2007-10-28T12:16:00.001-05:00

It's not just a simple I can relate, cause someone I know in my long family tree, it's the one in my family, the one I would have been able to come to, the other girl in my family that would have been through some of the stuff I have been through, the person who would have understood. The thing is that people don't get it till it's them going through it. It's not as simple as you think it is, it's as hard as a rock that can't be broken. It's harder everyday. I miss her, like nothing else some days, and other days I don't want to make it reality and I just want to pretend it never happens, and that somehow maybe the world would be just how I wanted it to be. If you understood it, I would tell you everything, but you don't. If you took the time to stop pitying me and took some time just to listen to what I go through everyday, maybe I would tell you, maybe I would learn to talk some, but the thing is, would you even care to listen? It's critical for a girl to have another girl in her life and for me, all I have is my friends, yeah they may be the best friends in the world, but it's still not the same. If that song wasn't by Hannah Montana, I would write it, and say it was my own, cause I can relate, and wish someone else could.

But for now, that's just my thoughts, not that you even care. But I needed to speak my mind, atleast this poor little blog wouldn't mind, but the readers probably give up after reading the first sentence, it's not amuzing to you, but yet so painful for me.

I Miss You

2007-10-27T16:20:00.000-05:00

"I Miss You"

You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
You'd hold me close in your arms
I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to knowI miss you

I miss youYou used to call me your dreamer
And now I'm living out my dream
Oh how I wish you could see
Everything that's happening for me
I'm thinking back on the past
It's true that time is flying by too fast

I know you're in a better place, yeah
But I wish that I could see your face,
ohI know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me

I didn't write it, but it kinda works with me in some way. :) Anyway... I"m done now.

2007-10-24T16:57:00.000-05:00

Could I talk to you just a little longer?
Could you hold on just a little longer?
Could you look me in the eye and say I love you just one more time?
Could you give me one more hug before I lose my everything?
Could you support me when I need it, just one more time?
Could I hear you voice, just one more time?
Could you play our song just one more time?

Could you not saying goodbye tonight and hangon for everything?
Could I wait for ever for you and have you never come back?
Will you come home tonight and still be alive?
Will all your friendship still not be forgotten?
Would you remember that I loved you?

Would you care if I laughed too hard?
Would you care if I cried cause I couldn't help it?
Would you care if I was as weak as a leaf?
Would you still love me?

Just don't even ask.... no idea

2007-10-16T20:17:00.000-05:00

"Could you hold it just a little longer?" the calm voice inside me says, wishing she didn't have to let go. "I want to hold onto you forever, never let you go, I want to stay in the warm embrace, knowing that love is right there, coming straight from your heart. I don't want to hug to end, I want it to last forever. I want to stay in this comfort zone, where I know, I don't have to smile, where, I know that I can sit and cry on your shoulder and you won't care. Where I know I don't have to be tough, where I know for me to cry doesn't make me a wimp, but just shows life stinks. Where I know you understand, where I know that I'm safe from the world around me. Where, I know that you won't let go, until I let go, and even then you could still hang on."

I want the world to fade away, and only you exist there, standing in front of me. I want to put my head on your shoulder, and let the tears fall and know you don't care. I want to stand there, with you, and not move a muscle, I want to have two arms around me and put two arms around you, in a hard hug, I want to hang on and not let go. I want to laugh when needed, and cry when the time is right. I want to talk, but not necessarily talk, but sit in your arms, and let the world fade away, till it's just me and you left standing there.

Comment me if you so desire!

I have no idea

2007-10-13T18:50:00.000-05:00

It's not about how you look
It's about who you are
It's not about how you dress
It's about who you are
It's not about the money you spend
It's about the inside
It's not about the words you use
It's about who you are
It's not about the language you use
It's about whats going on inside
It's not about your popularity status
It's about you being right with God
It's not about you being perfect
It's about you doing your best
It's not about how much skin you show
It's about how much skin you don't
It has nothing to do with the outside
It's all whats going on on the inside

Is Jesus there?
Is He working in you?
Are you being modest?
Are you living out your life in the best way you can?
Are you trying to be perfect, or just doing your best?
Are you failing and giving up, or learning from your mistakes?
Who are you?
Are you a clone or are you you?
As in you who God made you to be?
And who are you?

Comment me!

Not Good Enough

2007-10-11T18:35:00.000-05:00

You could just say I'm not good enough
Yeah you had no choice
You got stuck with me
Yeah, I'm on your team now
And I know you probably hate it
Cause I'm not good enough for you
I mess up too much
I get yelled at cause it doesnt go where I want it to

I try
I promise I try
But I guess I just can't suceed
I'll give you my best
But my best isn't enough for you
I'll try hard
But my hardest isn't enough for you
I'll try and score
But when I make a goal,
You don't even care

Why I still play?
I love the sport
I can't stop
It's my thing
I just wish my work was good enough for you

Don't ask. Comment tho. :)

No idea

2007-09-30T13:37:00.000-05:00

Your say you understand
When I'm sure you don't
You say you understand
How could you?
You are the one who stands to the side
You watch me grow
But you've never been there

You say you understand
But I know you don't
You say I'll be okay
How do you know?

You stand to the side
You watch me grow
But you've never been there

You've never felt the knife being jabbed into your heart
Knowing she's gone
Or at least for now
You used to see her
And now she's not there
You used to be loved
And now your not

You say you understand
But I know you don't
You you understand
But how could you?
You've never been there
Felt my pain
How could you understand?
Cause I don't.

It has no name, just something I wrote, that came from no where. So yeah... comment it if you so desire.

Near

2007-09-12T17:34:00.000-05:00

God, where are you? God, I can’t find you
I’m searching for you
God, where are you?

God, are you hiding,
In a place I can’t see?
God, I can’t feel you presence
Are you still there?

Chorus:
Be near, God, I need you tonight
As I fall to the floor,
As my knees hit the floor tonight,
God, be near to me

God, men used to speak to you
Why, oh why, can’t I?Why can’t I hear you when the storms starts to fall
Why aren’t you there when I need you most?

Bridge:
God, be near
God, be near
God, I’m crying out to you
God, be near tonight

Just something I wrote, it's dumb, I know.

Tomorrow

2007-08-25T22:46:00.000-05:00

I'm getting baptized tomorrow, and I so don't know if I'm ready for this or not. I'm flipping out right now. It's my only chance, ever with my church to get baptized, and I don't know if I'm ready for this, it just came up so fast, and now it's happening tomorrow, and I'm not sure if I'm ready for this. I feel like I got so fired up for it on Wednesday, and now I'm flipping out about. There will be so many people coming just to watch me, and I don't know if I'm really ready for this. Guess, it's what I'm doing tomorrow, and I don't plan on letting go of it.

With 4 word, You created light
With 3 words, You calmed a storm
With love and compassion,
You healed the sick
And befriended the poor
When you spoke, many listened
When you walked, many followed

Chorus:
You deserve more than you get
You deserve all control
Why can't we just understand that?
What has to happen to make us give it all to you?

We can't do this on our own
Although we wish we could
We like control, and hate giving it away
We want to have all control
But really you deserve it

Bridge:
It's all yours
I give it all to you (2x)

That's what I want with my life, I want God to have it, I want Him to use me as His servant. I want to be used for his ministry. I feel a calling in me, and I want to follow it. Maybe I am excited for my baptism, cause that's the truth of it all, that's my truth, I'm going to go out there and get baptized, and that's my next step, and my way to show others that my life is in God's hands and let them keep me accountable for that.

This is for Dani

2007-08-19T18:01:00.000-05:00

This is for Dani, because she said that she really needs something to read, and yeah, I haven't updated in awhile, so this is all for her... cause I've got nothing else to talk about. She was all on my case for not updating in awhile, (which was true), so I decided to make this loverly post just for her, well cause I have nothing better to do. And man, have I ever missed talking to her in awhile, its been a whole two days, as she says, I'm unsure if that's true or not, well yeah I guess it was two days ago. Yeah, but world, just so ya know, Dani's pretty awesome, and ya know, I am pretty lucky to know her, exspecially cause she hangs out with me, but I guess she's pretty weird too, the only reason I hang out with her is cause her mom pays me. I'm not sure I ever want to talk to her again though, after last time, cause she laughed her head off at me, which wasn't very nice, I was extremely hurt, so I hung up on her. Anyway, as you can see, we have some pretty good times together. There's other times when we are completely serious, and yeah, that's fun too though, cause she's a pretty amazing listener, and encourager to me, and I love her for that. But yeah, the food on the table is calling, so I must hither away now... but I love you, Dani, and I sure hope this blog was good enough for you. :)

You Win!

2007-08-03T13:11:00.000-05:00

Left hand positioned, right hand positioned
I'm ready for a fight, Who will win today?
You want my life, I won't give it to you
You want control, keep dreamin

It's a fight everyday
Who will win today?

You win!
Cause your stronger
You win!
Cause you've got the power
You win!
Cause I can't do it on my own
You win!

The fight begins as a even match
I think I could beat you today
The fight begins and you push me down
Just as fast as the clock begins
I'm down

You win!
So here's my life
You win!
So you have control
You win!
My life is yours
You win!
It's all yours.

That's something... I could have potently wrote it, then again most likely I didn't. But that's for you to figure out. Now... hidden message? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. :)

Another Star Story

2007-08-01T22:10:00.000-05:00

Last night, I was sitting outside with some friends, and we were star gazing, and doing like a little question thing, and you know, just having some fun and talking, one of the things I personally do best, and yeah.

I was sitting there, with my two closest friends, one on each side and just thinking about God, and how amazing and powerful he is. And I don't know what went through my head, but I was thinking about God and my life. How much control he does have of my life, and how much he should. Cause, he is all powerful and it's so hard for me to try and control my own life, and I don't know, I was just thinking about my life, and how God puts people around me to support me and lift me up when I can't go on anymore, and how God I try to take my life into my own hands, and how God, the one who created everything with just a few words, and how me, a little grain of sand in the world won't be able to do much without him on my side. And there are things I feel that I need to do, and what God's plan for my life is, and I know I can't do them on my own, but I'm that kind of person who hates asking people for help, even God, I like to do things on my own, even though I know I can't.

There is a song by Toby Mac and it goes...
Cause I'm letting go of everything I am
And I'm holding on to everything You are
I'm letting go of everything I once was
I'm all in
I'm fallin' into Your arms again
I'm letting go
I'm letting go

And sometimes I think that it has to be that way with me, cause I need to let go of what I hold on to, and let go of my plans, my hopes, my dreams, and my control, and hold on to what God has in store for me, and let Him have the control he deserves.

I know this doesn't make sense, it all made sense in my head. :)

2007-07-24T21:46:00.001-05:00

The stars...

As I sat one night, up at camp, looking out into the stars above me, the amazing and bright stars, in the middle of all the fields, I thought about the Creator, and how he created each and every one of those stars. He took each star, and they were all hand crafted by Him. Then he took all of them, and placed them just where he wanted them to be and glow. And when you think about that, and you compare it to us, and think about how much MORE important to him we are, it's amazing.

He took each one of us too, and he hand crafted us all, just the way we are, perfectly made, without a single mistake. And as the stars were made perfect, they were also placed perfectly just where they belong, so they can shine bright, and be used just for what God wants them to do. And it's the same with us. We were each placed in our own place, our own situation for a reason, a reason that we don't even know about. We were put there so that God could do His work through us. We are special to him, and each and everyone of us was created just the way we are for a reason. We each are placed JUST where we are supposed to be, with the exact life style for a reason...

That's my star gazing story...

Running

2007-07-03T17:14:00.000-05:00

Sometimes life is just too hard. Sometimes pain is really painful, sometimes you just want to get up and run away from life. I don't know what has gone on in your guys' lives, but I know for me, sometimes it just feels like running.

Ya know the days that totally stink? For me, I think the worst ones are when they are going great, and the something happens, and it all is a downfall from there. Sometimes on those days, all you want to do is run away from life. You can't handle it anymore. Maybe all this is just me, maybe I'm the only person who has days like this, I really don't know, cause I don't know every detail of your life and what has gone on in your life.

I don't know what went on today, I don't know what has been going on in your life. I don't know what kind of pain you keep inside, or what kind of things go wrong. I don't know if you have ever felt like running away from it all.

But, if you are like me, you understand pain, you understand that people expect you to be tough, you understand what holding everything in is, you know what it feels like when you just have days when all you want to do is run away from everything, and not come back to it. But, maybe your not like me, maybe everything always goes right for you, I don't know.

But, for me, it was just last night, I was sitting in my room, and all I wanted to do was run away. Then, I talked to one of my friends, and although she didn't do much, although she just listened to me, it helped me sooooo much. She encouraged me, and told me that I had to trust God, and it was just when I felt I didn't have any more strength to move on, that I gained just a little. And when I wanted to run, I was reminded of the place to run, its so easy for me to just get mad at God and want to run away from Him, but really it's where I need TO run, it was time for me to come back, for the one I tend to leave. Cause, I can't do it on my own.

And when you run, run to God, cause His arms are open wide for you, and He loves you. And no matter what He is to you, a friend, a father, a Saviour, no matter what he's still going to be there for you, no matter what. :)

My thoughts, I dunno.

Future

2007-06-18T22:03:00.001-05:00

It was a dark, yet calm night as Abby lay in the green grass contained in her front yard. She lay there, looking at the stars above her, thinking. Her mind was filled with many different things that had gone on that day. The message her pastor gave that morning in Church, the things that went on with her friends at school, the fights she got into, the fights with her parents, her brother, her family. But mostly, she was thinking about what they had talked about in Church that morning.

She remembered her pastor talking about the future, and how God had it all planned out, but for her, that wasn't easy for her to do. She didn't want to give God her life and her all, she loved having the control and being able to control her own life on her own. She liked being able to have the power to do whatever she wanted. She didn't want someone to tell her and lead her to where she was going, she wanted to walk on her own. She lay looking into the night sky, the stars shining brightly, although all she wanted was the control she had. She remember that he pastor had said it would be easier when God had control, but she didn't like that, she loved the control she had. But for some reason, she decided to just for once try it, let God have the control for once, let God plan her future.

And ya know, sometimes that's all of us. We like to control what's going on here, or what's happening there. We like to have the power and control what's going on around us, and we don't want to let God plan our future. And sometimes I know for me, I like my own future cause I see what's coming up ahead. We like being able to see what's coming ahead in our future, and with God we can't do that, because God has his own plans, but they are so much better then our own. We serve an awesome God, and sometimes we just have to be able to let it all go, and lay it at his feet, instead of keeping all the control for ourselves.

Stupid, but just thinking.

Ya I really don't know.

2007-06-08T20:39:00.000-05:00

Who knew that a late night/early morning conversation could turn into something that got my mind going, and got me to think. Who knew that something someone said could change a whole lot? Who knew there was a reason that I would go to a friends house last night? Who knew that there was a reason that things went the way they did? Who knew? I didn't, but God did.

It was about 4:00am in the morning when you said what you did. When the words came out of your mouth. When what you said was placed in my head. When I realized that it's not just me, it's not just you, it's everyone. When you said the things you said, I thought for a moment, but that's nothing like you, but then I remember this little thing called a mask.

Yes, we all have one, we all play them out at sometime or another. I would have never guessed that you would have gone through anything, I never would have been able to tell, I never could have guessed it, but you told me. You have a mask, I have a mask, we all do. No matter if we want to admit it or not, around someone we all have a mask, or we put up walls so that people can't go into certain areas of us. For different people it's different things, but somehow and for some reason, we like to fake that every thing's always okay. For some reason, we all like to push the pain and the hurt away.

For me, it may be different. My barriers may be different than yours, my mask may not be the same as yours and most likely isn't the same. No matter the case or the reason, we all have a different story, we have things that we hide from other people, there are things we don't tell anyone. There are things that no one, but you knows. There are days when you play the "happy mask" and try to cover everything up. But, when you look at a person, all you see is the outside layer, the first layer. When you look at a building that you have never been in before, you don't know what the inside looks like until you get there. It's the same with us. When you look at a person, all you see is the outside of that person, maybe the mask, not the real person.

You have layers that you have to go through before you can get to the bottom layer. You have places you have to go before you can see what is really happening to them. We all like the masks, maybe some are really good at wearing them too. Really good at faking everyone out. Really good at making everything look okay. Maybe it's because no one ever asks them how they really are, or what's going on in life. Sometimes it's not as easy to see what's going on from the outside, without being able to see the inside, the hurt, the pain, the scars.

I don't know what's gone on in YOUR life, I don't know what YOUR dealing with right now. Maybe I haven't seen the real you, maybe all I've seen is your mask, maybe that's all anyone has seen. Maybe you haven't shown anyone what's behind that mask, maybe you've closed off everything and hid everything from the world, all the pain in you. I don't know what's going on in your life today, right now, I don't know the pain you are dealing with, but I do know that God has an awesome plan for your life. I know what pains life, I've been there, I felt it, but I also know that God will always be there and be by your side. I don't know what's coming up ahead, but God does. And if you haven't let anyone see what's behind that mask, just know that someone does know, and you don't have to hide from him. When you need someone to listen, he'll always be there and listen, and you can't hide anything from him, cause he already knows. And I encourage you, if you haven't shown anyone, I encourage you to find a friend that you trust, and talk to them, cause sometimes it's hard to keep everything in, and sometimes talking to a close friend can help. And they can pray for you and such, but that's just my advice.

And don't forget, God created you with a plan, I know it won't always be easy, but we have to wait on his time, and when you have no strength to move on, just fall on him, he'll catch you.

Forever

2007-05-28T12:24:00.000-05:00

I can't promise you forever
Cause I know that a promise I can't keep
I can't say I'll always be your friend
Cause I can't promise that either
I can't say we'll never break our friendship
Or that we'll always be together
Cause, that too is a promise I can't keep
I can't promise that we won't lose touch
Cause maybe we will
I don't know whats coming up for me in life
I don't see my future
I don't know the places I'll go
The things I'll go through
I don't know what will happen tomorrow,
Or even the things I'll say today
But, God does...
I don't know the plans that God has laid before me
I don't know what he wants to do with my life
Or what he will put me through
I don't know if I will know you forever
Or if one day our friendship will end
I can't make a promise that we'll always be friend
Cause I'm not sure if I can keep that promise
But the promise I'll give you is this..
I'll be the friend that I can be to you
Until the time when God tells me my times up here
I'll be the best friend that I can to you
Until we part
I don't know what's going to happen in my future
But, I know God does
And I trust that his plans are better then my own
I won't make a promise to you that I know I can't keep
Forever is one of those
But I will promise you,
That I'll be the best friend that I can
For the time I am lucky enough to be with you
I know I won't be a perfect friend
I know I'll mess up
I won't promise you I'll be a perfect friend
Cause that is one thing I know I can't keep
I'll try my best, give my best effort
But there will be a time I will have to part
I don't know what it is but there will be a time
But if you want a friend that will never leave you,
Don't chose me, or any person
Chose God
He'll never leave you
He'll always be by your side
And he can promise you the things I can't
He'll always be there...
Forever
I won't be, I won't say I will, cause I know I won't
But God will never leave you, he'll be with you forever
He can promise you forever
He's the best friend you could ever ask for
Lean on him
He's sturdy and won't fall
I can't promise forever,
But God can

Yup... This is dumb

2007-05-22T16:29:00.001-05:00

It's a game we all like to play
It's a world we like to fake
It's the truth we want to hide
It's the pain we don't show inside
It's the mask we chose to wear
So we don't have to show our tears
It's a choice we have to make
If we chose to fake
We like to fake it cause it seems easier
We like to play these game
And make the world believe us
You may say you've got it all
When really you have nothing
You can come to me with a mask
You can hide all you want from me
But you can't hide it from God
He knows it all
And no matter how hard you try to hide it,
It won't work
You can hide it from me
I can't make you show it to me
You can only chose to
I know I may not understand you or your pain,
But God does
He'll listen
He loves you
Your his child
And when you fall he'll catch you
When you cry, he'll catch each tear in his hand
You can't hide it from him
You can't hide the facts of what he already knows
You can fake it with me, but you can't fake it with the one who created you
With a plan and a purpose

Stupid Once Again

2007-05-17T19:03:00.000-05:00

This thing is can be both painful and fun
It can be hard and easy
Stressful or not a care in the world
Happy or sad
Glad or mad
It can be fun and not so fun
Each and every person has one
And this things called life.

God breathed life into each and everyone of us, but that wasn't the life I was talking about. Yes, it's the life that your walking and breathing. But, it's not that kind of life. It's the life in which you take each step, and you can either go and do this or that. Life can turn out this way, or that way. It could be hard, or it could be easy.

But, I can tell ya, my life wasn't what you'd call easy for the longest time. You see, I like control, I like being able to control myself and chose what I want to do and where I want to go. I want MY WILL, I want MY PLAN in life, I don't want to follow God's, mines better. There's a beginning, and I know what I'm planning in the near future. Yeah, I love that power, I love the control of being able to control this thing called life.

But, God doesn't seem to follow that plan. He seems to not care about my plans, but has plans of His own. he doesn't really seem to care about what I want, he just does what he wants. He decides he wants me to fall, he lets me, he decide to put me through this, and does, and I don't even have a say in it.

It's so much easier, to slam him out, let him go, drop him off on the curb a few feet back. It's so much easier to take the wheel for ourselves, and go just where we want to, where we planned. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you'll never get what you want, you'll never get your will, but you'll get God's. '

If I had a choice, I wouldn't live the life I life right now. It's painful and hard at time, it's a big pain, and sometimes I just want out, but don't we all. Sometimes it feels like all God's doing is making me go through all this hard stuff, and there is nothing good in life, but that's when God surprises you.

The truth is, is that we have to be able to let go of that control, let go of our own lives, let go of the burdens and pains that we hold so tightly, that we try so hard to hide from God. (how dumb are we?) We can't hide anything from God, he knows everything, including your future. He knows what you want, and he knows what will happen. He knows that there will be pain, but he also sees what's ahead.

It's so easy for us to just take control, but we have to come to the cross, come to Jesus' face, take the things we hold, take our own life, and lay it down. And maybe your running from God right now, and maybe your tight with him. But for those of you who are drifting away, is it time for you to come home to your Father's open arms? Is it time for you to lay it all down at his feet? Is it time to let go of what you hold on to and let God take control?

I don't know your life story, but I do know one thing, and it's this... no matter how hard it is, no matter where you are, God has a plan for your life, and maybe it's not your will being done, but I hate to be the one to break it to you, but it will never be your will, but it will be God's will all the way.

You

2007-05-15T21:56:00.000-05:00

I could tell you a sad, sad story, about a girl just like you and me
Or I could sing you a happy song of how I was rescued

I could tell you about the pain and hurt
Or I could tell you about the smile after

I could tell you how I was rescued
Or I could tell you how much it hurt

I could tell you it's easy
Or I could tell you it's hard

I could tell you, you like power, and control
I could tell you, I do too

But, I don't have control, and guess who does?
God does.

He created me
He made me
He wants to use me, if only I'd let him

I take my life, hold it on my hands,
I lay it down, down at your feet
I let go of the pain, the hurt, the things I've held so tight
I lay it all at your feet.

That was stupid. Okay yeah, don't ask.

You Don't Understand

2007-05-10T16:35:00.000-05:00

You don't understand what I've been through.
You don't see all the tears I've cried.
You don't see all the times when a little word can hurt me so much.
You don't understand how hard life can be.
You don't understand the pain.
You don't understand the hurt,
you don't know what it's like to have to lie to everyone about what goes on.

You don't understand
You'll never know
You don't understand how much it hurts to be me

You haven't seen the least of it
You don't know how much it hurts me
You've never seen me cry,
You've never seen my true pain

You'll never know till you've been there
You'll never know how hard it is to endure pain,
Until you've been there
You'll never know my pain until your there
and wish you could get out

You'll never know true pain till you feel it
You'll never understand how hard it is to fake it
You'll never understand cause your not me

You'll never know my pain
You'll never understand it
You'll never see the uncried tears
You'll never know my pain

-lyrics by Annoymous.

Yesterday

2007-05-08T21:05:00.000-05:00

I was reading my Bible yesterday (wow shocker I know, I can read!:) ) I was reading a passage in Psalms, and David was praising God, and writing a Psalm of thanksgiving to the Lord. It got me to thinking, I am so greedy. I take everything for granted that God has given me. I don't think twice about the little thing in life, or being thankful for them.

Like each morning when I get up, that I can see, hear, walk, that I can move. The I can live and breathe, and that when I get up out of that nice bed, do I even think twice about being able to live in a warm house, and not having to sleep on concrete, but I get a nice bed. When I walk out into the nice day outside, do I even think about how I am so lucky to be able to get into a car, and drive to a nice school with great teachers, and friends. I never even take the time to say, "thanks God." I just take it all for granted. My family, my friends, the "little" things like being able to walk and breathe and move.

I look at my life, and all I see is the bad things that have gone on, the hard days, the bad things in life, the things that go wrong, and I go and blame God for them. I get mad at God for the little things that go wrong, and the good I just forget. The good things in life, the simple good things, I just forget about. The bad is all I think about, the good is just whatever. But when you think about it, God has blessed us with so much. And when I look at my life, I see so many great things. When I just take the time to look around, I have so much compared to so many people.

I'm just talking, writing, whatever... nothing important. But whatever.

Tonight

2007-04-29T20:43:00.000-05:00

I feel the wind in my face, I feel the grass against my ankles, I feel the tears stream down my face, I feel my arm slam the door shut. I feel alone. I'm running, running from this life. I'm running fast and I'm running hard. Today was too hard, this life is too hard, it seems so much easier to just run. I've gotten a head start, I've run away from life as fast as I could. I've left all the pain behind. I've left God, the one who seems to be causing all this. I've decided it's not worth working hard for it, I let go. I ran. I've left all my friends, I've left God.

Maybe this is you. All you want to do is run. Maybe you have an aching pain inside you, maybe life stinks. Maybe it would just be so much easier to run. Maybe running from everything, including God seems to be the easy way out. Maybe you've slammed the door shut on God, just like you would do to your annoying sibling. Maybe you've slammed that door shut on God's face, pushed him out. Maybe life's just too hard, and you blame God for hurting you. Maybe your blaming God for everything that's gone on. Maybe running just seems to much easier then facing life. Maybe the pain is just too great, and all you want to do is let go, give up, and run. Facing life is hard, so why not just run?

But, even when you slam the door on God, he doesn't slam the door on you. When you slam the door shut right on his face, he doesn't slam the door back on you. He waits for you, waits for you to open the door for him. He waits for you to turn around, he waits for you to come home. And when you decide to, he will be sitting there, waiting for you, he will be waiting with open arms, telling you to come, saying that he loves you. He never shut the door on you, you shut it on him. He's waiting for you to come back home.

Maybe your life's hard, maybe you've given up, run from everything, run from God. Maybe you feel that God wouldn't even want you to come back if you decided to come back. But, God is waiting for you to come home, come back. Maybe tonight, today, this very moment, it's time for you to come home. Maybe it's time for you to come and feel the embrace of your Savior, maybe it's time for you to come and sit on the lap of your Father, talk to him, sit on His lap, cry on his shoulder, be in his presence. Or maybe it just doesn't feel like he wants you, but guess what? I'm here to tell you at this moment that God loves you so much and wants you. He loves you and cares for you so much that he sent his son to DIE that painful death on the cross for you. He never slammed the door shut on you, he's sitting there, waiting for you. When you have no strength to move on, God will give you some. After all, he created you with an awesome plan, and he knows there is pain in your life, he knows your life may not be easy, he knows that you ran, and he's sitting there and waiting for you to come home.

He's been waiting for you to come home, he's been sitting and waiting for you ever since you left. And maybe this very day, this night, this very moment, maybe right now, it's time for you to come home...

Think

2007-04-24T20:50:00.000-05:00

I think about you everyday, I think about what in the world I am supposed to say to you. When I look at you and see you down, I worry about you all the time. I'm look at you and I know I'm the one who messed us up. As I look at you, I look into your eyes, and I see you happy. I see you smiling, I see you with your friends, I see you having fun. I see the place where I used to stand, I see the space where I use to sit, now filled by the millions of other friends you have. I see the friends that have replaced me, I see the smiles that use to fill my face every time we would be together, now turn into the aching pain I feel every time I see your face. The pain of how I know I messed this up so bad. The things I told you, the things we would talk about, all the times we told each other we wouldn't be like the other friends, and we really would be friends forever, guess that didn't last. I know it's all my fault, and I know there is nothing I can do. I have tried so hard to fix stuff between us, I have tried to talk to you, but you just push me away. I know you don't have time for the one who left you.

I didn't mean to leave you, I didn't walk out on you. Who knew such a small misunderstanding could lead to all this? I feel like I tried so hard to let this friendship move on, but you seemed to not care, you gave up on me. I wish you could read this right now and know how I felt. I wish you understood that I still love you and care about you, but I guess you just hate me. I used to think I could somehow fix this all, guess I was wrong. I want to talk to you and work this out, but you've moved on.

The place where I used to stand is now taken by all the new friends that have replaced me. I look over at you, and I see you smiling, I'm happy to see that, but when I look at all the new friends you are with, it reminds me of all the fun times we had together, but because of a small understanding, I guess it's all over now.

Side note: The video below this post is a family at my church, and I don't know I thought their story was cool, and just wanted to share it, watch it if you want to, you don't have to, your choice.

Mikayla

2007-04-24T20:34:00.001-05:00

2007-04-22T21:20:00.000-05:00

I feel it piercing into me.
The words you say,
The complaints you give me
The millions of times over and over you say how bad you are
The times you yell at me every time I say a word
Do you know how bad the hurts?
Do you not see all the tears streaming down my face, when you aren't looking?
Do you not know how appreciated and loved you are?
Whatever happened to the times we used to spend together
The times we would hang out, and laugh together
The fun times we used to have together
The days before she moved
Why did they all leave?
Why now is it just you yelling at me?
I know I'm not perfect, and it hurts to hear it from you
What do you want me to do?
I can't do everything the way you want it
I'm not your perfect little child
I'm sorry.
I know I'm a disappointment to you and just make your life harder
Sorry you have to deal with me.
I really am sorry.

I wish...

2007-04-21T16:08:00.000-05:00

I wish just for one moment that it would all go away
I wish just for one moment I could be sitting beside you talking to you
I wish just for one moment the rest of the world would go away and all I could see was you
I wish I could tell you everything that goes on
I wish I could tell you the truth
I wish just for a moment I could know you understood
I wish just for a moment I would be bold enough to speak
I wish just for a moment I could tell you the truth from my heart
I wish the world was different, and that hurt wasn't such a big part of it
I wish the pain could simple go away
I wish it wouldn't keep coming back the memories of you...
The uncried tears
The unshown pain
The things I've held so close and lost
The pain I've never talked about
The pain that's never shown through the smile
The tears in my eyes that don't fall
The pain I can't let go
This life is hard, shouldn't say I never expected that
But, I haven't let go yet
I've learned to lean on you
To let you lead me
And there is nothing else I can do but follow

The Gathering

2007-04-16T17:57:00.001-05:00

This is at my church, and it's the service that I go to, and I would have to say it's pretty awesome. That in a commercial that is on certain channels on TV, and I found it, and just thought it was cool to see what people said about it. I agree, I think it it great. In case you couldn't tell from the video, this is a more upbeat service and its more laid back and just awesome. It is based to the setting where it is more for teens, and everything is more relaxed and understandable for young adults, and student. Just wanted to share that with you! :)

The Day

2007-04-12T21:21:00.000-05:00

I still remember the day when those words were spoken to me, those words I will never forget. The words that meant I was losing someone I loved. The words that my Dad said to me as I walked into the car that night after a fall retreat. To any other person, it wouldn't have matter, to anyone else it wouldn't have been a big deal, but for me it was. The words hurt and I still remember that day, like it was yesterday.

I came home from a fall retreat with my church. I got in the car, and was happy, and having a great day. I had just gotten home from a really awesome fall retreat. I got in the car with my dad, and we started to drive home. I told him about the weekend, and then it came. The words I never wish he would have said, the words that went down and pierced my heart and my smile and good times like a huge knife cutting off that smile, and hitting my heart so hard, I felt like this wasn't the first time this had happened. I had already lost a mom, and now the person in my life that I could call mom was gone. She was moving a long way away. She was gone without the words goodbye, she was just gone. My Dad said the words to me, and I remember that very moment. He said to me, "She's moving to Colorado." My immediate reaction, was isn't she going to come back to get her stuff, sell her house and all that, and I was happy, cause I would get to see her before she left, well no luck there. She had her house sold by her daughter and her daughter packed everything up for her and they moved out there. I never saw her again, and I never saw her since. As I sat in the back seat of the car, I could feel the tear building up inside of me, the only person I could call mom was now gone. The words hurt me and burned in me. I tried really hard not to cry, I didn't want to look dumb. The words played over and over in my head. The pain was so great, I didn't know what to do. It hurt for me to know that I would never be able to go have days out with her anymore, she couldn't take me away from my family, talk to me, show her care to me, talk to me, love me, be there for me. She was gone, and never did I get to say goodbye to her, give her a final hug, tell her that I would miss her, she was just gone.

I'm not putting this up here so that I can get pity, but to give you a glimpse of what God does in my life. He took her away from my life, and he left me with these words.

"Kate, I know that plans I have for you, they are plans to prosper you and not to harm you, they are plans to give you a hope and a future. Kate, I have an awesome plan for your life, when you don't have strength to move on, fall on me. When you cry, I will catch every tear in the palm of my hand. When no one will listen, I will listen to you for just as long as you want. When you get to sick of this life that you want to run, run to me, my arm are open wide. Come and sit on my lap, talk to me, I'll be here for you. Cause, guess what Kate?! I have a really awesome plan for your life, all I need you to do is trust me."

I'm not asking for pity, I'm showing you how awesome our God is, and how his awesome plans are so much better then what we expect. I would love to tell you that I'm over everything, but I mean it isn't always easy, I still cry cause I miss her, it still hurts me to see her gone, but I know that God's there for me, and he placed some awesome friends in my life who are there for me and keep me smiling and catch me when I fall, and tell me it will be okay. God knows what hes doing for your life too, you just have to trust him and wait on his time.

God's Courts

2007-04-10T20:12:00.000-05:00

As it was said in chapel, the song will never be sung in the same way, I won't ever sing that song again, without thinking about what he said, and the story he told. In the movie "Bridge to Terabithia", the main dude, I don't remember his name, makes a little boat like thing you could call it and he puts it into the water. Once he does that and he sets it on the water, as he places it into the water, he says, "she is in your hands now."

For me, it's just comforting to know that she's in God's hands. It was part of God's plan that she isn't here anymore, he chose to take her and let her play in his courts. You take your pick at what kind of court it is, but I just imagine her up there playing in his court. And when I remember that, it just brightens my day. I have to face the pity I get from people around me everyday for not having a mom, and I have a new response, rather then getting mad about it, or letting it ruin my day, it has become a simple answer, and it's this. Ya know what, it's okay. It's all part of God's plan. Because, I've learned that pity isn't going to help me, but if I get mad about it, and let it ruin the day, it doesn't make things any worse, and anyway, it's all part of God's plan, he knew what he was doing, and I just have to wait on his time, to see what he wants to do with me.

Playing in God's court now, not here, she's done here, but now she is up there, playing in God's court.

I know this was an incredible dumb post, but just wanted to put it out there...

Think

2007-04-08T14:20:00.000-05:00

Last night at church, I really got to thinking, and I mean I've thought about this before, but it hit me really hard last night. I went to church last night, as I always do, and I mean nothing was different, I mean yeah it was Easter, and they had an Easter theme, but as always I wasn't totally with it, I'm always here and there, I can never just sit and listen, but last night just for a moment, I could.

It was Easter yesterday, and I just thought about it. Jesus never did HAVE to die, he chose to, and it was for me? I mean, why me? I am so messed up, I thought about the millions of times I had messed stuff up just that very day, and how i do so much wrong in just a simple time. I am no where near close to perfect, but yet Jesus wanted to die for me? Why would he want to die for me? The automatic response, was because he loves you and he didn't have to die for you, he chose to. I thought, but I'm selfish, and a jerk, I mess stuff up all the time, why would a perfect person want to die for me? Why would anyone want to die for me? Why in the world would someone as perfect as him want to die for... me? Why would he love me? Why does anyone love me? Because he loves me, and he loves you, he didn't have to die on that cross and take that painful death, he chose to. And yet, I am so selfish. I don't have enough time to spend just an hour talking to him during a day, but yet I have millions of hours to talk to my friends and sit around and do nothing, but I don't have time to spend with my Saviour.

God is awesome, the best friend in the world, he did so much for me, now it's my time to thank him.... for calling me a child.

My Life

2007-03-25T14:37:00.000-05:00

My story all begins when I was a little girl, around the age of 18 months. Our family was coming home from a family vacation, and my Mom's vessel that was carrying blood to her heart broke. The plain took an emergency landing, and my Mom was rushed to the hospital, and she died soon after. As a little girl, it never really affected me. After all, I never really met her. I mean, sure I knew her when I was little, but I lost her when I was 1 ½, so I mean, yeah I met her, but I never really knew her at all.

I have grown up in a Christian home my whole life. I accepted Christ at the young age of 4. I never really did understand what it meant, other then one day I would go to heaven when I died. My Dad always set an example on my life for Christ, and how to live for him.

My Dad has always had a verse posted on our fridge. I never really understood what it meant for a long time, but it has now become my all time favorite verse. The verse is Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harmyou, plans to give you a hope and future." This verse meant a lot to me, because it showed me that God really did have a plan for my life.

Not having a mom, for me, has never been easy. I live with two guys, and yeah they are awesome, but it can be really hard at time not having a Mom around. For the longest time, I always felt like God had just wanted to make things hard for me, and there was nothing that I could do about it. Everything with me just seemed a little messed up. I never really thought that this whole me not having a mom thing could be part of his plan. That verse just showed me, that God really does just have a plan for my life and it's better then I could ever imagine. The verse says, that they plans to prosper you and not to harm you.

Someone once said to me, that to get to the top of a mountain, you have to climb up it, and that we have to go through the trails of life to get to the top of the mountain. We can't just get there, we will go through hard times, and there will be times when we struggle with things that are going on, but God knows what he's doing, he has an awesome plan for my life, and I just have to wait on his time. I know that isn't always easy for me to do, but I just have to trust him and be ready for his plan, and trust that it is better then my own.

I would love to end this saying that everything is going great now, but it's not the truth. Thing don't always go my way, and I still go through hard times and struggles, but I have learned to trust God, and fall on him. God has awesome stuff in store for me, I just have to wait on his time. God blesses me every day with the things that he puts me through and the people he puts in my life. God has given me some awesome friend that remind me not to give up, and that God has a plan for everything that he does.

I don't understand everything that God does in my life, and why he puts me through everything that he does, but I know that he does everything for a reason. He had a reason for me not having a mom, and when it's his time, he will show me that plan.

Maybe you have a life like mine, not so perfect, maybe in your life it just seems that everything goes wrong and you just mess up everything, but just remember this, that no matter what you are going through, God has a plan for it. He created you with a plan and a purpose, and we just have to wait on his time to see it. He has awesome stuff in store for you, just wait… on his time. And when you feel like you can't go on anymore, God will give you strength, and when you fall, he will catch you. He loves you and he created with an awesome plan and a purpose, better then you could ever imagine. You just have to wait on his time

Running Part 2

2007-03-23T01:12:00.000-05:00

I feel the wind on my face, as once again I'm running from this life. I feel the cool breeze of the nice morning as I run. I want to stop, but I'm not far enough away from it all yet. I keep on running. I look behind me so far so good no one is following me. I'm in luck, so far. I have successfully made it out of this life, for the moment. No one is around me, maybe I can stop for just a bit and relax, but then someone might catch up, so never mind about that. I will just keep running until I can run no more. I am still running, I'm getting tired though, and I want to stop and relax, but I can't. I haven't run far enough away yet, I am still to close to it all.

I have run as far as I can, I'm going to stop now and just sit down, just for a little while. You think to yourself as you sit down. As I sit down, the thought all come to mind of what's been going on for the past couple of days, the things that have been said to you that hurt, the things in life that have just been so hard. As you sit the tears just start to fall, the you being tough all the time has worn off, and the memories of the hard times in life are coming back, the things that people said all week that hurt come back to you, the tears build up inside of you begging to come out, but you don't cry, too late. The tears fall down your face, it all hurts.

You look to your side and you notice that one of your friends has run after you and wants to talk to you. You quickly wipe all the tears away, and hope she didn't notice them. She starts to talk to you, first of all asking to make sure you are okay, and you don't really tell her the truth at first, but after sometime, you think maybe you should tell her, after all she came all this way for you. But something holds you back, and you don't. She keeps talking to you, but you turn away, cause you definitely don't want her to see you cry or anything like that, so you just run away hoping she won't notice that you were crying just a few minutes ago. She keeps talking about she says something that touches you and something you will never forget.

"Hey! I know you probably don't really want to be talking to me right now and telling me everything that's going on, and why you ran from it all, but I came here not to try and talk it out of you, but because I wanted to tell you that I'm here for you, and that I love and care about you. I also wanted you to always remember this; that no matter how hard this all is, just remember that God is doing this all for a reason. He has an awesome plan for your life, and he's always going to be there for you and love and care about you.... and I will too. I ran all this way just to remind you that I love you and so does God."
You aren't really sure what to say, but you know that is just what you needed. You turn around to look your friend in the eye, and she keeps talking.

"I know what it's like when life gets hard. I know what it's like to feel like you want to run. I know what it's like to hate life." She pauses. You wait for her to go on, she does. "I know how it feels to not have a perfect life, I don't either. Truth is, a lot is going wrong for me right now too." She once again pauses; you can see that she has tears building up in her eyes. "I know where you are at, and I know that it hurts, and I know that it's hard. It all happened to me too. But, one thing kept me strong this whole time, and it was God. He picked me up when I fell, and he always loved me. He gave me strength to carry on everyday. It's hard, I know, but you have to give it to God and trust him. He will give you the strength you need to move on too."

You look at her, and she is crying, and so are you, but you aren't sure if you want to show it or not. You want to give your friend a hug, but you don't want to turn back to her, cause she thinks that you don't ever cry, and that your all tough and all. You turn around thinking of how you could explain to her why you are crying. She doesn't say anything, just gives you a hug and tells you it will all be okay, and then she puts her hand on you and prays for you. As the tough girl goes away and as you cry, because it was all so touching and just what you needed to hear. You start to tell your friend what is really going on and she listens. God gave you just what you needed right when you needed it, because he really does love and care about you.

Yes, YOU! God cares about YOU and has an AWESOME PLAN for YOUR life.

Running

2007-03-12T21:18:00.000-05:00

I want to run so far that you can't find me, I want to run so far that you don't even know where in the world I could be and no matter how hard you search for me, you can't find me. I want to run so far away that I can cry all day and you will never know. I want to run so far that it's impossible to be around this life here. I want to run from my dumb life.

I want to feel the wind in my face as I run so fasts down the street, trying to find a spot to sit and rest. I want to run and feel the wind on my back, I want to run from this world and hope it never comes back.

I don't want you to come after me, there is no use... I'm not going to stop for you, no matter how hard you want me to, I'm not going to cry when your around, I'm not going to run with you, I'm just going to run away from you.

If you really care about me, you won't give up on me. When I run from you, you aren't going to run from me, you are going to run after me, and run with me. You are going to try to catch up to me, and you are going to try to talk to me. Even if I push you away, you aren't going to give up on me, you will just try so hard to catch up to me, and when I just blow you off, and turn away from you, just so you won't have to see me cry, but you won't leave, you will just sit there, that would show me you cared.

But, life is dumb, and I hate my life, I want to run away from it, but I just can't. I mess everything up, I am messed up, I'm the one who does all this...

Ever feel that way? That you want to just run from life and from everything in this world? Every things can get so messed up all the time, and everything can be so dumb... but just talk to God about it, he knows it, and he is always going to be there for you and he never ever will give up on you. Just wait... things will get better, when it's God's will.

Lord I Need You

2007-02-25T20:17:00.001-06:00

Lord I come
Fallen and broken apart
I need you Lord,
Won't you come and save me?

I've fallen apart
Both inside and out
I need your love today.

Lord, your love is awesome
And your strength is amazing
Your power is beyond all measure
You are awesome, truly awesome

Lord, I come with pain and sorrow
I need you Lord
Please comfort me today

The world is crashing down around me
Lord, come and save me,
I need you today

Your love, your grace,
Your strength, your power,
you are awesome Lord, truly awesome.

We serve an awesome God, I tell ya! He is so awesome, and most of all he loves me, and I really don't get why. I am so messed up and useless, but he still loves me and has a plan for me... wow, how awesome is that? We serve an awesome God, so why not today... take the time to thank him for all he has done! He is so awesome, and I know he has blessed me in so many ways! I am so thankful for everything around me. I have awesome friends, and even though my life might not be perfect all the time, I always have God on my side helping me through it all. Through the good and bad times, through the smiles and the pain. I sure serve an awesome God who is so awesome! He loves me... and he loves you too. :)

Amazing Love/ On My Cross

2007-02-23T16:44:00.000-06:00

Amazing Love

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,

I’m accepted, You were condemned.

I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,

Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love,

How can it be?

That You, my King would die for me?

Amazing love,I know it’s true.

It’s my joy to honor You,

In all I do, I honor You.

I’m forgiven because

You were forsaken,

I’m accepted, You were condemned.

I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,

Because You died and rose again.

You are my King

Jesus You are my King

So, you have probably heard that song before, but go beyond the words that you know oh so well, think about it and what it really means. What the story is behind the words, and what they are really taking about and what they mean.

God never had to love you, he chose to. Jesus didn’t have to die on the cross for you, he chose to. God didn’t make him die, he chose to. Because… he loves you! And it’s amazing love! Without God, do you see how messed up we are?

We mess up all the time, and we do things we wish we never did, because we aren’t perfect. Jesus was on this earth, and he was 100% man, but also 100% God. In Matthew 27, it talks about when Judas betrayed Jesus, and he didn’t tell him, and Jesus said that if he wanted to, he could ask God to send him angels to come and save him, but he chose to die that painful death on the cross, for YOU!

We are all sinners, and we all mess up all the time. No one is perfect. And we all need God. But, it’s it just amazing to think about? That God died on the cross all for you? There is a song that I really like by FFH, and it goes like this…

Those were my nails

That was my crown'

That pierced Your hands and Your brow

Those were my thorns

Those were my scorns

Those were my tears that fell down

And just as You said it would be

You did it all for me

After You counted the cost

You took my shame, my blame

On my cross

Jesus took your sins, when he died on the cross for you, and he didn’t have to, HE WANTED to, and because he loves you. He never had to die on that cross for you, but he wanted to, he wanted to one day meet you, and he gave you a passage way to Heaven. He is amazing, and his love really is amazing!

God doesn’t need anything, and he didn’t have to ever create people. He knew they would sin, but he chose to save us, and let us one day meet him. He is so awesome anyone agree? He gave you that way to heaven, because he loves you…

“I don’t need you, I want you!”

He didn’t have to die for you… he didn’t have to take your sins and your shame, he chose to… He doesn’t have to love you, he chooses to, he never had to die that painful death for you, he chose to… because he loves you!

Love

2007-02-14T16:47:00.000-06:00

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, TO ALL MY FAITHFUL BLOG READERS. Since today is basically the day about love, why not talk about God love? There is a chapter in the Bible that talks about love, and I'm going start off this post with that passage.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

(~1 Corinthians 13)

So, that is a lot about love...one part that I really like is when they are talking about what love is. Love is..., patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, not rude or self seeking, and keeps no records of wrong, it protects, always trusts, hope and preservers. That is a lot that love does, and only true love can come from God. You see this perfect love in that passage, from the Bible, and it shows you what true love is. Wouldn't you love to have that love from all your friends?

You may say that you friends love and care about you... but how about a love that isn't self seeking, and keep no records of wrongs, how does that sound to you? To me, it sounds awesome, and we should strive to give that love to other people.

My challenge for you today... love other with the awesome love that you can... the best love...encourage your friends, build them up, don't tear them down, love others with an awesome love... and since today is Valentine's Day, don't forget to tell them how much you love them, and what you love about them... :) Have an awesome day!

It's Been A Long Week...

2007-02-10T23:26:00.001-06:00

Wow! It has been a long time since I have updated, sorry about that! I have been really busy, and my life has been stressful, trying to get everything in, I just never really had the time, so sorry for those of you who read my blog all the time, and were looking for something interesting from me... I'm very sorry. I will try to keep updating now... and keep you up to date on I don't know what, but, yeah, sorry for my faithful friends! :)

Not much has gone on in my life since I last talked to you, other then me just being stressed out and frustrated, which is nothing new. But, something I was thinking about... and I might as well share it with you. So, here I go, and this may sound really dumb, and I'm sorry if it does. But, I was thinking about time. You are probably thinking... wow TIME?!?! That's amazing...

But the thing is, I wasn't thinking about my time, I was thinking about God's timing and how perfect it was! You are probably now thinking, what in the world is she saying, and what is her problem? But, let me go on.

So, as I said, life has been not so wonderful lightly, and I have been looking for pleasure and cures in the wrong places. I have tried to look for it in things of the world, like things that I think can make me happy, because I like to be happy... don't we all? No matter how much I did to try and get this thing off my mind, nothing worked. I would always have it play over and over in my head, and try to figure it out. But, I would just end up making myself stressed out, and mad at myself. And, for those of you who have seen me mad or frustrated, you know that I always blame myself, and put myself down.

One night, I was really mad at myself, for dumb reasons, and like all I did was put myself down. I said that everyone hated me, and that no one cared about me, and that I was just some dumb loser, and everyone just wanted to talk me because they had pity on me. So, while I was all mad at myself, and at God, my favorite verse came into my head, which is Jeremiah 29:11.

So, I got to thinking, and I was thinking about God having a plan for my life. I knew that he did, but it really didn't seem like it. But, God's time is better then mine. He had been planning a lot for me, and he was going to bless me someday, I just had to wait.

I didn't want to wait on God's time, I wanted him to work on my time, but God's time is so much better then my own. When I look over my life, God has always blessed me, and helped me along when I needed it most, I just have to wait on his time, and not on my own time, because he has plans for me that are awesome, and he wants to use me to do awesome things, but I can't live on my own time, I have to live on his, and trust him with my life, and my time.

Just something that God has taught me, and maybe he just taught you something from me, but, I don't know! I just pray that God would teach you something new and awesome this week, and that that something will help you and touch you and help you with what you are going through in your life right now.

Hey God!

2007-02-06T20:32:00.000-06:00

Prayer~ is said before you eat, maybe before class starts, maybe everyone once in awhile in class when you are going through a tough time... maybe you have never heard prayer before. Maybe you have never ever heard of the word. I don't know... but this is mine:Prayer: our communication with God. The way we can talk to him, like we would talk to a friend, an awesome friend who will listen, and never get sick of us.
When I was thinking about prayer... I remember some stuff that I have learned about it... think of it this way...

GOD, the CREATOR of the Universe, want to talk to YOU! Out of the millions and billions of people on this earth, he wants to talk to YOU! He made a way so that you can talk to him. He died so that one day you could meet him in heaven. And he gave you a thing called prayer, so that you can talk to him. Pretty cool huh?

But, why pray?

So, you say you have a friendship with God, and you say that you have a friendship with your Best friend. But, how can you have a friendship with them if you don't talk to them? If you say that you have an awesome friend named Bob, but you never talk to him, and you know nothing about him, what's going on in his life, what he likes, and you've never talked to him, how do you really know him? It is the same way with God, if you say you know him, but you never talk to him, how does that work? How can you say that you know God, but you have never talked to him? After all, God did give this awesome thing to us, so why don't we use it?

Do you want to talk to an awesome friend after a hard day? Someone who will listen, and someone who is trustworthy, and will listen to you for hours and hours on end, without getting bored, or falling asleep on you? That is God. He will listen to you complain about your day, or talk about your awesome day. He will carry you through the good times, and the bad times, and he will always be your friend no matter what.

You can talk to him no matter what time of day or night it is, and no matter what is going on. He will always listen. He loves you and cares about you, don't you ever forget that. And... Sometimes, why not thank him for the awesome friends, or family that you have, and for even giving you a way to talk to him.

So... do you think prayer is important? Check it out in my next post...

Bad now, good later. Good now, bad later.

2007-02-03T15:36:00.001-06:00

Bad time come, and bad times go... for some people they come all the time, for some almost never, but for those of you who to you it seems like you are always having bad days, don't worry I know where you are at. How many people think that bad days are fun? Most people, would say they are just plain BAD! Hence the name... BAD DAYS... but they come and go, for some more often then others, but for me, that is really when God really is at work in me. During hard time, when I am getting yelled at, or feel like no one cares about me.... that is when God always decides to show me something new.

I updated just a few days ago... Tuesday I think, and a lot has been shown to me since then. Let's start with something that I learned Wednesday...

So, yesterday, just wasn't really the best day of my life... if you know what I mean. I went to school, came home, everything was normal. I mean, it wasn't the best day of my life, but nothing too exciting happened. I came home from school, not in the best mood ever. Everything was fine, until I went to church last night. I heard an awesome message being preached, about character. And, so I got to thinking, character... what is my character? Or more... who do people see in me? I have had it said to me that I am awesome and all that, but what about when no one is looking? Who am I? Am I that same person that everyone sees in me, or am I the total opposite? Who do I want to be is a better question?

When I got home from church Wednesday night, I was having a not so good day, and I came home, and just went to finish my homework. And I talked to a friends on IM, and things only got worse. It was an old friend that I hadn't talked to in quite a while, and I just really ticked her off. She asked me, just like a caring friend would, how I was doing, and I said okay. Cause, that was really my answer. Then she asked what's wrong? And even though many things were wrong I answered nothing. She got on my case about this all night, and then not just that, but the next thing I know, my dad comes in and yells at me, and gets all mad at me. So my day went about from a 5 to a 1. Since I was all mad and frustrated, I just decided to leave, and go get ready for bed. I walked up the stairs being mad at myself. For me, it felt like I could do nothing right, and I was all mad and stressed, and just having a horrible day. When I got to my room, I turned on my radio, and something about the right song at the right time... it wasn't even the song, it was just a simple word. God. That's it, that was the word... because then I remember what someone had once told me. That, God had his hand over me, and he would catch me as I fell, and he would catch my tears as they ran down my face, and he made me perfect in His eyes, and cares about me so much. It was just right what I needed. And, that night as I got into bed, my simple one word prayer was "thanks" and that was all I could make out. A sudden feeling of peace came upon me, as I drifted to sleep that night.

Thursday...woke up thinking that today would be a better day. But, it wasn't. Things weren't going so well at home, but I had to put a smile on for school. I went to school with the hopes that my friends would make my day good... but... I mean it was school, and it wasn't too exciting. On Thursdays, since I go to a Christian School, I had chapel. And, we sang a cool song, and had a cool speaker. One thing came to me that day in chapel, and it was this. I have taken control of my own life, and tried to do everything my way. I have taken my life, and I only do things that I think will make me happy. And it simple goes like this...

If you so go, we will go
If you say wait, we will wait
If you say step out on the water and they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on you and we will come

Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid are good and true
If you call us to the fire You will not withdraw your hand
We'll gaze into the flames and look for you

He said one simple line: Good now, bad later. Bad now, good later.

And that just to me really stood out... even though my life isn't always going to be easy, the bad will one day pass away, and the good will come. The words of the song, just hit me hard on Thursday. I have been in control of my life for way too long, and God is the only who really deserves to have that job, because he has awesome plans for my life, and I just have to trust him. My life's control is in God's hands, because I know he has better plans for me then the plans that I had for myself.

So... today... reflect on yourself... what is your character? Does it change from when you are with people and when you are alone? And who has total control over your life? You or God?

My NO TECHNO DAY!!!

2007-01-30T20:51:00.001-06:00

In the last post, I talked about going for a day without technology. And I left you with a challenge, to do it along with me... so did anyone accept my challenge?

That same challenge was given to me at church last Wednesday, and I thought, no... I can't do that, it's not possible. As my youth pastor listed off all the things we couldn't do, I thought it would be impossible for me to do it, but it wasn't, not at all.

Okay, you may be thinking, why did you think this was going to be so hard for you? And here is my answer. I am ALWAYS on the computer. Always updating my blog, talking to friends on aim, or whatever. I am always on the computer doing something, or I am watching TV or a movie or whatever. I am always using technology. So when my youth pastor said I couldn't, the first thing that popped into my head, was just don't do it. And I was just like, whatever I won't even try. Then one of my friends at church was like, you going to do it? And I was like, I don't know, I will try. So, I decided to do it. I told some of my friends that I wouldn't be online tonight, and that I would be away from the computer and the phone all night, and that I wouldn't be able to talk to them really at all, and they all said okay, which then got a load off my chest. I didn't have to worry about them calling or whatever, and wanting to talk, and then me having to say that I wasn't aloud on the phone and yeah...

I decided that I wanted to add on to my challenge for myself, and I was going to spend the time that I would normally be online or watching TV or whatever, and I was going to spend it with God. So... I got up in the morning, and I went to school, that was easy, I didn't have to worry about technology there. I got home at around 4:30 from school, and I went and did some of my homework. I got most of it done, except for my Bible journal. So, I decided that I would do devotions and spend some time with God, but then my dad called me down for dinner. I ate, and then my dad decided that he would take me and my bro out for ice cream. So, I went. When I got home it was about 7:30, and I took out my Bible, once again, and I sat down at my desk. And I decided that for the next half an hour, I would spend it with God, in quiet time with him. As I was listening to Christian music in the background, I sat and thought. And... a lot went through my head about what was going on in my life at the time. I flipped through the Bible, and came to Matthew 5:3-12 which is the beatitudes. I read through them, and some of them really just stuck out to me. I just sat and thought for a little while, and something came to me... it was one of those moments... those God moments. And my favorite verse of all time popped into my head. Jeremiah 29:11... and it just reminded me that whatever I am going through, no matter if it is hard or easy, God cares about it, and has a plan in it all. He cares about me, and is watching over me, and that was just a simple thing I have heard so many times, but right now as I am typing this... it has a huge meaning to me. Just to think that God really does care about me, and has a plan for me, just make me smile. He had a plan in everything he did. He had a plan in my mom dying when I was 18 months old, even tho to me it sure doesn't seem that way sometimes. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! I always have to remember that, and it's a lesson that we all have to learn. That is the lesson I am still learning, and it all came to me that night, when I was away from all technology, sitting in my room alone, listening to Christian music, and spending time with God. After a lot of thought, I decided to write in my Bible journal, and I ended up writing a 3 page entry... and the next thing I knew it was 9:30 at night. I had done it, I had gone a day without technology.

For me, it was an awesome experience... so if you didn't do it last time, why not give it a shot?

Technology

2007-01-24T20:59:00.000-06:00

Technology.... it's a big part of life. Think about the last time you used to phone, or where on the computer doing emails, IM, or when you last listened to music on your ipod, MP3 player, the radio, what about the last time you watched TV... or a movie or anything... see how often we use technology... ALL THE TIME!

Along time ago... there wasn't all this, but now our world is abdicated to technology. We are always on the computer, IM, watching TV, listening to music... anything! We are always doing something with technology. What if you didn't have it? What if you took a whole 24 hours just to see what it was like BEFORE we had all this up to date, cool technology.

I am going to give you a challenge today, and you can chose to accept it or not. I am giving you the challenge, from 12:00 midnight tonight, till 12:00 midnight tomorrow night, to not use technology at all. And that means...

-no phone: home and cell phone... except in emergency
-no computers: no IM, no email
-no TV: no movies, no TV shows
-no music: no radio, MP3 player, Ipod
-NO TECHNOLOGY!

And you may be thinking... I have school or work tomorrow, I can't do that. I have to do homework on the computer, or work from the computer... okay well you can do that, but that doesn't count talking to a friend on IM while you are doing you homework, or checking you e-mail while you are online. That means, that you can only do your homework. You can answer the phone if it is an emergency or anything like that, but you can't call your best friend and talk on the phone for hours on end. You can't just turn on the TV to watch something cause you feel like it, and you want to relax... get out a book and read! No MUSIC... which means.... your alarm tomorrow... can't be the radio. You can't have it turn on to music... you have to make it do that dumb little beeping sound, yes annoying, but this is part of your challenge. You can't listen to music as you get ready for school tomorrow morning, or an ipod or MP3 after school, you have to just keep it all locked away, just for A DAY!!!

You may be thinking... wow! That's harsh... and if that is what you are thinking... you are TOO ADDICTED to technology. You spend too much time on it, enough that you can't spend a day without it?!

Think about what Jesus did for you on that cross on that day... when he was nailed to a cross... think about someone who took all your sins away from you... someone as great as someone who performs miracles, someone as great as that, but still we get all caught up in technology, and we can't just spend one day away from it.

So, this is my challenge, from 12:00 tonight, until 12:00 tomorrow night... NO TECHNOLOGY! NOTHING! Can you do it? Do you accept my challenge?

I have made it to 100!!!

2007-01-21T15:15:00.001-06:00

I have officially made 100 posts on this blog... and that is kinda scary... but this is probably the weirdest post you will ever read, and maybe to some of you it won't make sense at all... but to others maybe it will change your prospective on life... who knows?

Have you ever felt like you just wanted to run from your life? Like you are having a really bad day, or week, or time in your life, and you just want to run from it, but you can't, cause it always comes back to you? Those times when your life is so bad, and things only get worse? Every little word gets on your nerves, and little things people say to you, hurt you in a huge way, and then since you are having a bad day, you end up hurting those who care about you, and you just feel alone, like no one cares about you...

I know I have had those days... those hard times in life that come out to haunt you, and when you feel so alone in this world, and that no one cares about you.... and you don't see why you should talk to anyone about your problems, cause no one cares anyway...

But one person does care and he cares a lot about you, after all you are his creation... God does, and a lot of times there is more people then just God, but God is one who will ALWAYS be there for you, no matter what. He won't get mad at you for being such a jerk to him today, just because you had a bad day, and your anger came out in the wrong ways, he won't ignore you, like some of your friends might do... he will just listen to you talk about everything that is going on in your life, that is so bad, or he will even listen to you talk about the good things in life. And he will always be there for you, and love you and care for you, no matter how bad you have been. God created you with a plan and a purpose, perfect in his eyes, and he loves and cares about you, A LOT!! He will always be there for you when you need someone to run to, and no one else will listen. He will wipe your tears as you cry and he will just sit and listen.

But, I also encourage you to find a friend that you can trust and count on, who you can come to because you are having a bad day, and they will understand and listen as you talk, and who will put their hand on your shoulder, and pray over you when you need it, and who will catch your tears as they run down your face, and will give you a hug and some love when you need it, and no one else will give you that love. When you feel alone, remember that you have a friend by your side, at least one... God! And look around at the friends that you have in your life, that walk you through the hard days, and take the moment to thank them for that.

Grape/Knight: If you ever need me, I want to be here for you. Just like you have always been there for me. If you need a hug, a shoulder to cry on, some encouragement during a tough day, and just some love and fun times with a friend, don't be afraid to come to me. All I want is to be here for you, and be someone you trust and someone that you can always count on. I work on that, and hope that some day I can be that friend for you... just like you are for me! You mean so much to me, I don't know how I could thank you enough! Thanks.... for everything!

Jesus LOVES YOU!

2007-01-18T20:19:00.001-06:00

Ever felt alone? Like no one cared about you? Like no one was going to be there for you? Like your living you life, fighting battles...all alone? Walking through life with no one by your side? Like no one got what you were going through? And if you tried to explain, they would just think it was dumb?

I bet if we were all honest, we would answer at least once, yes to one of those questions, and maybe even yes to all of them. I know for a fact that I would answer yes to at least one of those, and the thing is, is that we all feel alone at one time or another. Alone in our struggles, alone in our lives. You know how many times that I have felt alone? Way more times then I could ever count. No one is this world seems to go through what I go through everyday... key word though... SEEMS.

Think about yourself for a second... think about the things you go through everyday, and the hard times you have had in your life... now think of one person that has the same problem... when you think about it, can you find someone? Maybe some of you say yes, maybe some of you say no. But someone out of the millions of people in this world is going through, just about the same thing you are, that might even be the person who sits next to you in school, or at work, or at Church, or a person that passes you in the store...or it could even be your best friend. We are all pretty good at hiding everything, and keeping it all to ourselves, and that is why our world looks so perfect, but really our world is pretty messed up. Everyone struggles with something, maybe not as Major as someone Else's, but it is still just as important.

God created us all different... and he created us all perfect just the way we are. With a plan and a purpose... everyone! The includes the person who just bugs you to death, and the one person in school who always picks on you.... which means, you still have to love them, just as God loves you.

But, anyway... back to the point...alone... bored.... alone with nothing to do, no one to talk to... all alone, living your hard life... all alone...do you ever feel like there is a constant battle going on over your head? As sad as it may be... it's true. Between God and the evil one, who wants to control your life, but you have to chose who you really want to take control. Are you going to let God take control and never be alone, on your own?

I like the song Me and Jesus by Steller Kart, and this is the chorus...
Someone loves you even when you don't think so, don't you know you've got me and Jesus, by your side, through the fight you will never be alone on your own, cause you've got me and Jesus.

I love that song, cause it just talks about, how we will always have God on our side, and that you will always have someone by your side. Someone named God. He will always love and, and will always be there. He will always listen to you talk, and listen to you cry, and to you laugh. He will be glad when you are happy, and sad when you are down. He will always be on your side... all you have to do is let him. All you have to do is accept that gift that is being held out to you...

Who is always on your side? Me and Jesus! Don't forget that song, and you are never alone. Someone else has the same struggle as you, you just have to find them. And let people trust you with their problems in life, cause for some people it takes a lot of courage to tell someone what you are going through. For other people it is easy, but no matter what, just listen, they same way they will listen to you when you talk. And remember...
Someone loves you even when you don't think so... ME AND JESUS!! Jesus loves you so much he died on the cross for you, and I would take a bullet for you, and I mean it when I say that. Someone loves you...Jesus does, and I do too!

Will you give someone else the love that God gave you? Or will you just hold it all in?

How AWESOME is OUR GOD?

2007-01-13T17:24:00.000-06:00

Last night I hung out with a few friends at a friends house, and we hung out and did what girls do at sleepovers, but something was different about this one.... something amazing happened.

We had just watched a movie and everyone but me and 3 other people had fallen asleep, so the 4 of us just stayed up and talked till like 4:00 in the morning. We were all about to go to sleep and we had just said goodnight and someone got up and went to the bathroom. I didn't think much of it, cause you know... were humans and yeah... but when they came back they were crying, and trying to get the attention of the host of the party. She was asleep and she is a really deep sleeper. She was totally out. But one of my friends knew who it was and asked if she was okay, she said no. So the girl (Sue) asked Bob (the girl who was crying) if she wanted her to wake up the host and she said... yes please! So... she woke her up, but she was a really deep sleeper and she didn't get up. By this time, the other 3 of us were talking to Bob and making sure that she was okay. She said that her stomach really hurt, she was dizzy, she could barely and she was shaking. The pain got like 10 times worse and she started to cry harder, so we tried to settle her down and worked really hard to wake up Josie (the host) and get Josie to go and wake up her mom. Finally we got her up but she didn't get up right away. Bob was still in a ton of pain! So.. finally after explaining the story to Josie like 3 or 4 times she actually got up, and went to get her mom from upstairs, since her mom was a nurse and she would know what to do better then what we would know, since we were only teen girls. Josie and Sue went upstairs to get Josie's mom, and me, and 2 other girls we still down stairs with Bob. Then Sam (one of the girls downstairs) came up with a really good idea, she was like.... hey Bob, do you want me to pray for you? And Bob was like YES! So, then Sam prayed for Bob, and right after Sam said amen... Bob said, it's gone! And we were like seriously? And she was like yes! It is totally gone! And then it was just like this moment of like wow! 2 of the girls started to cry and oh it was awesome! We were all so close to crying! (and for me... crying doesnt happen that offten... but I was pretty close... it was just plain awesome) It was just awesome! She said she felt like there was a knife being stabbed into her stomach and then when Sam said amen... it was just taken out and gone. God sent like a miracle, the power of prayer. We all just sat there in silence and just thought about how awesome that was, and we knew it had to come from God. It was just gone and she was fine. Later it came back and we just prayed for her again, and we just asked God to take the pain from her and we could tell even though it wasn't totally better, it was so much better then it was the first time.

Later that night, or this morning... I guess you could call it. I was just thinking about how cool that was, and it just shows how powerful God really is. Cause like he takes care of us, his children and he watches over us all the time. And like when we pray, he answers. For me, it just showed me how powerful God is, and that he does everything for a reason. Like he had the four of us stay up that late, cause if we weren't up, she would have been having a really hard time, and she would have been all alone. And I just connected it to my life... how God has a plan for my life, just like he had a plan for us staying up and talking that late, and praying for Bob and all that. Even the small things God has a plan for, and even the littlest things in our lives God cares about and takes care of. And just the power of prayer, and how God really does listen to it, and he takes care of it, all we have to do is ask, and God will chose how he wants to answer.

So, whatever is going on in your life that is hard, go ahead and talk to God about it, and he will do what he wants to do in the situation, and you may say... well doesn't he know everything? So, why do I have to tell him? But like, God likes to hear it from us, his children, just like your parents like to hear about your day at school, so does your father in Heaven.

So, I challenge you... do the next for minuets... just talk to God and let him know what is going on in your life, and he will just sit and listen, like a good friend would. Or find a quiet spot where you can just sit and talk to God. But make sure not to just talk to him like Santa Clause, but make sure that you give God some time to talk too! Once you have talked to God and told him everything that you wanted to tell him, just give God 5 mins to talk back to you, for all the time he let you talk. That's my challenge for you today. And maybe you will get something amazing like what God did for us!

When Did I Become A Christian? How Much Have I Grown Since Then?

2007-01-09T20:47:00.000-06:00

Let's start at the beginning... where it all started. I was 3 or 4 and I asked God into my heart, as a little girl. I have always grown up in a Christian home. My Dad has always been a Christian influence on my life, and well I would love to say that my mom was too... but as most of you know... my mom died when I was little. 1 and 1/2... and that has really affected me, no matter if people see it or not, it has affected me in ways that a lot of you will never get. Because you have a mom... and trust me, you don't know what it is like without one till you don't have one.

I would say I have grown some here and there.... little by little I am learning new lessons everyday about God and about my life. There is a verse that has helped me a lot and brought me a lot closer to God and that verse is Jeremiah 29:11... and yes I have said this verse a ton of times but it has helped me in so many ways that some of you have no idea what it would be like. But that verse just spoke to me a lot during a really hard time in my life. Just to know that God had a plan for my life was awesome, and that he was planning things for my life, even when the times we hard. I didn't really understand that verse for a long time, but one day when I was having a really hard day... it did. That God had a plan for me, and that it was better then anything I could ever imagine. Better then my own plans...

I have grown a lot over the last year. I also a strayed from God a lot and questioned Him a lot about a lot of stuff, but I guess you could say through it all God has shown himself to me, through the awesome blessings in my life... (that would includes you... knight, lingho, benny from persia), because you have always been there for me, and helped me during the hard times in my life. And they have kept me accountable and kept me strong.

But, back to my little years... my nanny accepted Christ with me, when I was a little girl, about the age of 4. I have gone to church my whole life, on both Sundays and Wednesdays... my dad always made me go, I didn't understand, cause I always learned the same things... so I kinda just went to church, didn't really care much about it, and of course I went to a private school, and always learned about God there too, but it was always the same Bible stories, and it never really changed. So... eventually I a strayed from God...

This summer I moved up to JH at my church, and that just made things a lot better. I know LOVE going to church, because my youth pastor is awesome, and she always has awesome points about everything. She has helped me grow in my faith so much, and I am so thankful for that. One night at church, we had an awesome speaker... and he talked about some things that I will never forget, somethings that really shocked me... but the most imported one was that he talked about if God came back today... or if you died today.... where would you be headed? After listening to him talk about his testimony, I ended up rededicating my life to Christ last October. And ever since then... it has just been a journey for me.

Another person in my life who has helped me a lot is my Bible teacher... he is awesome! He puts everything in views that I understand and get, and that are easy for my little brain to understand. He put Bible stories into contact of our world today, and he has helped me grow so much in my faith and love for God.

Another person is a really awesome friend of mine... well two of them... you two know who you are... I have friends that keep me accountable and help me stay strong as the world falls apart around me. I look forward to seeing them everyday at school, and talking to them. They are awesome and trustworthy. If I tell them not to repeat what I say, I know they won't, and it will stay with them. I can tell them my prayer requests and they pray for me, and keep me strong for God. They are both women of God, and I can see him working in them everyday by the way they act toward me, and toward other people. They show me what I should be like, and set an example on my life. So... you know who you are.... thanks for that!

I have lost a lot....God may have taken a friend out of my life, but I know he had a reason in doing that, cause he has given me awesome friends that I love so much, that influence me and help me, pick me up when I fall... and just make me laugh, and make my life a lot easier. And I never said not having a mom was easy, now did I? Cause, if I said that... that's a total lie, I may be good at making it look easy, but just think about it for a minuet.... I live with 2 guys... no girls... how often do you talk to your mom? Some more then others... but how often do you do something with your mom? A LOT I bet... but you see, I don't have that... I don't have a mom, and yes, I will be completely honest, it's pretty hard on me, but again that verse just comes back to me. God has a plan for me, and I am just so thankful that he does. And that it is better then my own. He has already shown me some of that plan... just by telling me what I am supposed to do in my life. Helping me understand the purpose for me in my life. And I know that is only a small part. I am just thankful for everything that God has done for me over the past few years.

Although I may not understand everything God does for me, I am just thankful he does everything that he does in my life, cause I know it is all for a plan and a purpose.

So... here are the short answers to you questions...

When did I become a Christian? For the first time at 4 and then again at 13
How much have I grown since then? I don't know... I guess you could say a lot

So... if you are having a hard time in your life... don't you ever forget that God has a plan for your life, and that he loves you, and will take care of you!

What Is The Meaning of Life?

2007-01-09T20:37:00.000-06:00

I don't really know the meaning of life, but this is my point of view. God made this world for us to enjoy... he gave us nature to look nice so we have pretty things all around us to make us think of how awesome God is. And really the meaning of life is up to you.

What do you want to live your life for?
Who do you want to live your life for?

I would say the meaning of life for me, is to become closer to God and let him do what he wants in my life. No matter if that is someone thing hard or easy, because of God wants me to do it, I know that anything is possible if God wants it to happen, he will be there right at your side helping you along the way.

Your meaning of life is up to you... but if you want to dedicate your life to Christ, then all you have to do is ask him. You have to let him have full and complete control of your life, and you have to make that choice for yourself. No one can make that choice for you; you have to make it for yourself. But as soon as you give God your life, he will use it in amazing ways. He will use your talents in the way he wants to use them, and he will do what he wants to do in your life.

So... what is your meaning in life? What do you want to make of you life? What are some accomplishments that you want to carry through with? But don't forget that as soon as you give your life to Christ, he will use it the way he wants to. And even if you don’t understand why God wants to do this or that with your life... all you have to do is trust that his plan is better then your own. So the meaning of life... to praise God and bring other to him, and to do what you can to work for the best master that anyone could serve, Jesus Christ!

2007-01-09T16:57:00.000-06:00

Hey You All! I was just wondering if anyone had any questions for me. It could be about my spirtual journey, my life at home whatever you want to ask, but if you have a question for me don't be too scared to ask! I am open to answering anything! So ask away!!!!!!

~Jesusfreak

Who Am I? ~Casting Crowns

2007-01-08T20:18:00.000-06:00

I was thinking about what to write about on my blog, and I was just sitting here and thinking about what I should write, and so I thought for a while about what I should write, a friend gave me an idea, but I didn't really know how to describe it. So I thought about what I should talk about and a few ideas came into my head, but I didn't know what to say about them. I had music playing in the background and this song really just popped out to me.

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?

That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.

Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours.

I like the verses a lot, cause they really stand out to me. Read the verses one more time and just think about it. I am going to pick two verses that to me have an awesome meaning and maybe they will stand out to you.

Who am I? That the Lord of ALL the earth would care to know my name?
When I was singing along with the song and it came to that verse... okay well maybe it came to me a few minuets but whatever. And like when I was thinking about it and thinking about the chorus. And like when you really think of it.... God is the LORD OF ALL THE EARTH, and he created everything in it, and compared to the huge world we are just about as big as a speck of dust, but the Lord still knows us and cares about us and has a plan for our lives. We are so so small but God still cares about us. And like we are just as small as a little ant crawling around on the ground and you see so many of those and you are like there is enough of them around the world it won't hurt to kill one, but then when you think of yourself, you are just as small as an ant to God, probably even smaller, but he still cares about you, and wants to be your friend. And he knows you name! He cared to know your name, even though you were so small.
The other verse that I really like is...

Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin would look on me with love and watch me rise again.

And there isn't much to say about that verse, but I thought it was really cool. Because just for a few minuets, think with me for a second. Think about all the millions of things that you have done wrong. All the times you have sworn, been a jerk to a friend, punched or yelled at your brother or sister, said something mean to anyone... all those things and way more, how many times have you done that? Like a million! If you are human that is. If you told a friend everything you have ever done wrong do you think they would still love you the same? And think of you the same way? Well, God does. He has seen all your faults and mistakes and he still loves you just the same. He loves you just the same no matter how many things you do wrong. Someone one said to me "NOTHING you could ever do would make God love you less!" Nothing! You hear that nothing?! Nothing that you could ever do could make God love you less! He will always love you the same, no matter how much you do wrong.

And then the chorus... read it again...

It just talks about how small we are, and compares us to a flower that comes and goes, a wave in the ocean.... just think about that, how many waves are in the ocean? WAY MORE then you could ever count, a vapor in the wind.... wow see how small now? We are that small but God still loves us! He cares about each little person on this earth, and he cares about everyone of you so much! And God has a plan for everyone of you! He knows what he is doing in your life and he is excited to show you the awesome things he is doing in your life. But we just have to be patient and wait for the time when God will show us everything he wants to show us, but on his own time.

We are all so small, but God loves us all and he cares about everyone of you just the same. No one is better then someone else, maybe just cause your friend read the Bible everyday or goes to Church every week doesn't make God love them more and you less! He loves everyone and he has a plan for everyone... no matter how hard to believe it's one thing I know is true! And God is just a plain awesome person... he loves us even after he sees all our sin... wow that's amazing!

God loves and cares for YOU don't you EVER forget that!

An Awesome Reminder

2007-01-05T20:57:00.000-06:00

Someone once said this: "Everyone needs one person in their lives that can keep them accountable and someone that they can take their mask off and show who they really are to."

Have you ever saw someone and you were just like they have a perfect life? I have seen people like that all the time. They get perfect grades, they have perfect parents, and they have everything that anyone could ever want. When I see someone with a prefect life, sometimes I am just like, God, why can't I be like them? Why did you make me with such a horrible life, and why does everyone else have such a perfect one? Because to me it sure seems like some people have no problems in life, but little by little I have seen that that isn't true.

No one has a perfect life, no matter how perfect it seems. We have have struggles, but some of us are just pretty good at covering them up, with our favorite toys... our masks. For some of us we use them a lot and for some of you, maybe you have never really experienced a mask. But, make sure if you start that mask that you don't get too used to yourself with that mask, or a little too used to it. Cause I know what that is like.

I was me, but really I wasn't. I was being someone else, someone that I thought I had to be, and that only got harder and harder. I would change who I was depending on who I was with. I would be one person with one person and someone else with someone else, cause I didn't want that person to look down on me. I did that for a long time. Probably for about like 2 years, I was that multi-faced person. And I lost who I really was. For some time, the person I had made myself to be started taking over the person who I really was, cause I couldn't stand being taken down by someone if I showed them who I really was, and once you lose who you are... good luck finding it. I totally lost who I really was, and I was soon someone, and I had no idea who I really was, and it took a lot of time and effort to find out again who I really was, but little by little, I am learning who I really am, it isn't easy, but slowly, I am learning that there is no reason to try and be someone else, cause God made me who I am and I just have to accept that God made me the way I am for a plan a purpose, and that He has an awesome plan for me, even when I don't see it. And who I really am, is a better person then the person that I want to be, cause God created me for who I was supposed to be, and he is planning a journey for me and just wants to know if I want to come.

So, I encourage you to find a friend that you trust, and then actually show them the real you. I have a friend who has helped me to be who God created me to be, and it just helps to know that I have a trustworthy friend that I can always count on to come to, and who will always make sure I don't do anything dumb. Little by little I have been able to show more of who I really am, and I know that isn't easy to take off the mask you have worn all your life, I know what that's like, but when it comes down to it... look around.... everyone has a struggle of some sort, maybe they are really good at hiding it, but we all have had something go wrong in our lives, no matter how big or small it was/is, we all have. We are all the same when it comes down to it, we are all weak sinners, who need a Savior.

So, if you don't already have that person, I encourage you to find someone you trust and who you are willing to show the real you, and if you don't even know who you are, I know where your at, and just take some time to reflect on who you are when no one else is looking... cause that is probably the real you. And once you find that person, be open with them, and make sure that you can really be yourself, the real you that God created you to be. He created you perfect in his eyes, no matter what anyone else says.

You know who you are: Thanks for showing me who I really was, and coming into my life, and showing me the person that I really should be, and that maybe no one else's oppion really matters, cause God loves me just the way I am. Thanks for everything you do! And for being such an inspiration in my life. You are really a women of God, and I see him working in you everyday. Thanks for teaching me awesome new lessons this past year. Thanks a million, I don't know how I could ever repay you. Love you lots and lots!! ~Jesusfreak

Thanks a million!

2007-01-04T21:09:00.000-06:00

Hey Friends! I just wanted to say thanks! Thanks for making my 2006 an okay year. You are all such a blessing in my life, and I am so blessed to have you as friends. You make me smile, you make me cry, you make me laugh so hard and you make me feel at home, and of course you make me happy! I want to thank some people...

Hot Pink: Wow! What to say? Thank you so much for an awesome year! You helped me so much! You showed me that God has a plan for my life, even when I can't see it. Thanks for always being there for me, and listening to my hours and hours of talking and complaining. You are an awesome friend to me, and I am so blessed that God put you in my life. You make me laugh and you make me cry tears of joy! You are an awesome influence on my life, and you help me along my path of life. My path isn't always hard, but you have always picked me up for the many times I fell down. You taught me so much this year, and you are a major influence on my life. To be honest, I didn't really know who I was before this year, because I had made myself someone that I wasn't, and I was so used to that person, but little by little I have learned who I really am, and who God made me to be. Thanks for always being there for me for everything! You are very loyal, and you are always open to listening to me talk for hours on end about nothing, as I talk about my life, that is pretty boring and you just listen and you give me advice. You encourage me in so many ways, and that helps me so much! Just to know that someone really does care about me, and you are just a very caring and compassionate person. You always make sure that my day is going okay, and you always build me back up when the day is going horrible. You can always make me laugh even when I am having the worst day ever! Thanks for everything that you do for me! You make me my hard hard world easier. You smile at me and give me notes and you do millions for me! So, thanks for everything! I love you so much! You are such a blessing and I don't know what I would do without you. I don't know how I could ever thank you enough for everything that you have done for me. There is no way that I could repay you, thanks for just being an awesome friend! And always remember, God has a plan for your life, even when it doesn't seem that way!

Graprgirl: I don't know where to start with you... Lets start with a thanks! Thanks a million! Every morning, as I walk in that history door you are always sitting in your desk and all I have to do is smile. You are always sitting in your desk smiling or talking to a friend, and you always look so happy! You always write me notes, and you always listen to me as I talk. I talk and talk about pointless things and you just sit there and listen. So, thanks for doing that. You are an awesome friend to me, and I am so blessed to have you in my life. You are always there for me, and when I look down, you always make sure that I am okay. You always make me laugh, just cause its fun, and laughing makes the day better. And we are very violent... :) So, Grape, you are awesome! You are loyal and you always make sure I am okay, and you always ask for my prayer requests and you pray for them. We have fun times when we hang out, so thanks... "you make me happy!" Thanks for everything! I am so blessed to have you in my life! To have an awesome friend like you is amazing! I don't understand why you like to hang out with me, a weird, jerk, and boring person like me, but you always do. You are always so forgiving! Every time I mess up, which I know I do a lot, you always are just like its totally fine, and I am just like... thank you! You always forgive me every time I mess up. Thanks for everything! You are such a blessing! And remember the same as I told Hot Pink, God has a plan for your life, even when it doesn't seem that way.

Thank you all my friends for everything! You make my world so much better! You make me smile and you make me cry. You are always there for me, and since I don't have a mom, it is awesome to have friends that are always there for me, and talk to me when I want to talk, and have fun with me, and just give me some time to spend with girls. Thank you all so much for teaching me everything that you have taught me, which is a lot. I have grown closer to God, thanks to both of you! Thanks a million for everything! Love you all lots! I don't know why you all want to be friends with me, but I am just glad that you gave me a chance. I am sorry for all the times that I mess up, and that I will mess up, and for the times that my mess ups hurt you, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean too! I am so blessed to have friends like you in my life. God is amazing for putting you in my life! I hope you all have an awesome 2007, and that God will open your eyes to new things everyday. Love you all lots, and thanks a million for everything!!

~Slick/Ling Ho 2/Jesusfreak

God...

2007-01-03T16:49:00.000-06:00

It's January 3, 2007... wow that's weird to think about.... but it is. Lucky me, I got to go back to school today, that was so much fun just to be there... not! But anyway... as I said in the last post, lessons, lessons, lessons... I learn new ones everyday... I even learned something new about a piano today, ask me if you really want to know...

But, this past 2006 year, for me was a major year of lessons, and here is just one more thing that God has taught me this past year. I learned something really cool just about last month, and it came from something that someone said. For those of you who actually watched the testimony that I put on here, this will make more sense for you, but for others I will try to make it so you can understand, but I don't know if it will have the same meaning... and I really encourage you to listen to that, and you can just listen you don't even have to watch it, but just listening to it means a million.

God is teaching me something that I never really had thought about before. Here are the words right from Mark's testimony... "Mark, I don't need you.... I want you! Do you think that all these fears and limitations and all these things that make you feel so small are worrying me? Do you think that all these little initials that you got from all these little tests when you are young are weighing me down? Mark, I am going to do something in the world and I just want to know if you want to come."

That really hit me really hard one night. I was talking to my friend on IM, just like I always do, and I was listening to the testimony as I was talking, and all of a sudden it hit me, and it hit me hard. I don't know if you have ever felt God hit you and tell you something, and wow, that has happened to me a lot, but if you have, you know what I am talking about. It hit me super hard that night, and as I thought about it, a lot was going through me head that night as I was talking to my friend on IM.

To think that God didn't need me, but he wanted me, was like what?! Why would God want me? I am a girl, I have nothing. I don't have any talent, I'm not special... why God would you want me? Some kid, I'm not smart, I don't have anything special about me, I am just me. Why do you want me? But what comes next in his testimony... the next line says..."I am going to do something in the world, and I just want to know if you want to come." That line was repeating it self over and over in my head that night... and it was like this... ____, I don't need you, I want you! Everything that Mark says after that was like... wow! I don't even know how to explain it, but it was just like I was like wow!
And just as it is for me, God wants you... fill in the blank with your name as you read this one more time...

"_____ I don't NEED YOU, I WANT YOU!"

God wants you, he made you just the way that he wanted to, and he doesn't need you, he wants you! That is one thing that he showed me this past year, and all you have to do is let him take control. God may have given you some difficulties or limitations or whatever, but God says, they don't worry me, I know I made you that way, and I made you perfect, with a plan and a purpose just the way I made you.

I know that probably at times, we have all said this, God, if I was only him or her or this or that then you could use me, but me? I'm ____ and _____ why do you want to use me? I'm nothing. Yeah, how many times have I thought that? A million... I am just like, God, if you just made me like him or her then I would do it, but me, I can't do it. But God doesn't need you, he wants you! He wants to show the world what he can do through someone that will let him work in them. God will show the world awesome stuff, but only if you let him.

______, I don't need you, I want you! ~God

Happy 2007!

2006-12-31T17:59:00.000-06:00

HAPPY 2007 EVERYONE!

For me, 2006 was a year of hardships and a year of lessons. This year I lost a lot, some of those close to me know that, most can't tell. But during all my hard times I learned some really awesome lessons. Here's one.

For the first time this year I understood the meaning of Jeremiah 29:11. The verse says:

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"

This has played a big part in my life during 2006. I heard this verse from my dad when I was little, and it is posted on our fridge, but I never really did understand what it meant. It has come into play in my life for the last few months especially when it was hard. As some of you know, I don't have a mom... she died when I was a year and a half. It hasn't been that hard on me, well until this year. It isn't always easy to be the only girl in your family. Just ask me.... It has helped me in the past years, cause I have a good friend who was like a mom to me, who lived really close to me, but in October she moved, and that was really hard on me. In those hard times, that is when I realized something awesome. This past summer my dad told me that I was no longer going to go to the school that I had gone to since preschool, and he was going to put me in public school. I thought about that, and I didn't want it to happen. I didn't know how I could leave all my awesome friends and have to move schools. But during that hard time, again that verse came to me.

Jeremiah 29:11~ "'For I KNOW the PLANS I have for YOU,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to PROSPER YOU and NOT to HARM YOU, plans to give YOU a HOPE and a FUTURE.'"

My hardships all happen for a reason, and I am learning to except that. I don't understand why they all happen, and sometimes I question God for why they do, but all I know is that God's plan is better then my own. Life is hard for me a lot of the time, even though a lot of people don't see it, I could say that I'm pretty good at that whole mask deal. I don't like talking to people about how I really feel, and I just kinda cover it up. I put on what you could call "tough me mask" the one that makes me look strong and tough, even though I know that I'm not. But, everyone has there hard times, and mine are probably different then yours, but no matter what they are, big or small, they are all under God's control. Nothing is TOO BIG for God to handle. He makes everything happen, and he make everything happen for a reason. Even when it seems like God messed up on you, or messed up on what happened, yeah right! God never messes up, and he does everything for a reason. EVERYTHING!

Those of you who have struggles in your life probably understand this better then the people who have pretty good lives. But, I know what it is like to feel like you have no one on your side, and like you are all alone. I know what pain feels like, trust me, I know that... really well. I know what it's like to feel like no one understands you, I know what struggles are like. I know how hard they are, and I know how some of you may feel. I've been there, I've felt it, I know what pain is like, and I know its not easy. And I know for sure that it isn't easy to trust what I said is true, and sometimes it takes a lot of faith, but once you let God take total control of your life, he will use you to do awesome things, things that you never understand why he has you do, but it will all work out well in the end.

Once you let God take full and complete control in your life, He will show you amazing reasons for everything that he has done, all you have to do is trust, and let God use you life in every way that He wants to. So... you will to give God a chance? Let him have full and complete control? Are you ready to go on a ride of your life with God in control? If so... do it, and let God have your life and use it in the way he wants to use it. Are you ready for the adventure of a lifetime, with God in control?

"American Dream" Casting Crowns

2006-12-29T20:13:00.001-06:00

And he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

Have you ever heard the story about the foolish and the wise builder? Here it is right from the Bible.

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

When I was little I heard that story from the Bible all the time. I didn't really understand what it meant. I mean, I understood it but nothing really every stood out in it to me till this past year. We were talking about it in Bible this past year, and something really stood out to me. In Bible we have to give presentations and lots of people talked about this verse. And something stood out to me in it.
What is your foundation? If you live in a house, or really anywhere you have a foundation on your house to help it stand. It keeps your house from falling all over the place. If you were to build your house on sand with that as your foundation, you house would fall. When winds and rain would come your house would fall to the ground. The first storm that would come your house would be gone, down on the stand.

It is the same way with your foundation. Who is your foundation? Is your foundation strong, or when some storm comes you way will it fall? Just like the house on the sand. Is your foundation a person?

Let's just say that your foundation is money, it won't last, you will soon go broke. The money will soon go away. Or if you don't have a foundation... some time in your life some hard time will come your way. I have mine, and one day you will find yours. The storms of like will pass you, and if you don't have a firm foundation then you will completely fall apart. You will totally fall, just like the house on the sand. Sometime in your life, someone that you love will die, you will lose a best friend, you will feel alone, you will have this or that go wrong, and if you don't have anyone to run to, what are you going to do? Your world will fall apart and storm will come and knock you down if you don't have a strong foundation, and the one and only strong foundation that will always last is Jesus. He will always be there for you even when no one else is. He is a strong foundation that won't fail. He will help you through all the hard time, and He will do what he wants to do in your life. Sometimes you have to do a pretty hard thing... you have to trust that God has a plan for you life that is better then your own. If you don't have a foundation that will last, something strong to hold you up, you will fall down, and your life will only go down that drains from there, but if you have a strong foundation that will last, you will be able to stand. Because God will help you through it, and will always be there holding you hand, and walking you through each step.

What is your foundation? Will it last? When the storms come down in your life, will you still be standing or will you fall?

Merry CHRISTmas!!

2006-12-24T23:44:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas everyone! When you think of Christmas, what do you think of? The presents? Being with family? Big meals? Santa? Fun times with people you love? That is what comes to mind allot of people think of Christmas, we allot of times for get what really happened and why we celebrate Christmas in the first place.

The first Christmas along time ago... lets put ourselves into the eyes of a young girl about the age of 12-14. She liked to have fun with her friends and she did what she was supposed to. She came home one day from work and her dad showed her who she would marry and right then and there they were married. Then an angle appeared to her and told her that she was going to have a baby. She was only 12-14 just remember that and she was now going to have a baby and this baby was coming from the Lord. And her husband didn't know that the baby was from the Lord. But later, an angle came to Joseph in a dream and told him that this child was going to free our people and that they baby that Mary was going to have was from God. Then Ceasure sent out a degree that all the people of the land had to go to their home town, (Ceaser was the king) so they could register with their home town. So, since Joseph was from Bethlehem Mary and Joseph went on the long walk to Bethlehem, over 100 miles. Now that is a long way to go when you have to go on FOOT! No, they didn't have cars back then so if you wanted to go somewhere you either had to walk or ride on a donkey or camel or something like that. So, Joseph took the donkey and they started to walk. They walked and walked over 100 miles, and finally they came to Bethlehem.

When they got to Bethlehem Mary was due to have her baby. They tried to find an inn that they could stay in, but everything was full. They begged for a room, because of the baby that was coming, but everything was full, everything but a stable. A stable, a place for animals to live, all gross and full of animals, but that was all there was. So they took the stable, and in that stable that night, Mary had her baby. Mary put her baby, THE KING OF KINGS into a feeding trough for an animal, in other words what an animal ate out of. He was born in a small little stable, such a great man born in the lowest of places. The man who would later die on the cross for us, and save us from all our sin was born of a girl, a girl 12-14, a young girl. She wasn't rich, she was a poor girl working for the money that she needed. She was the one who would bring our king into the world. She was just a girl just like anyone else she wasn't a queen or someone rich like that, but she was just a girl just like anyone else. And Joseph was just a guy he wasn't rich either, they were both just normal people, but Mary brought our SAVIOUR into the world.

Jesus came down from Heaven, a nice place, and he came down to live on this earth. Jesus was just like everyone else too. He had to eat, he had to take baths, he slept, he got mad, just like everyone he was a normal person, but he was still out saviour. He was humble and he was kind, he was smart, and he was the person who took our pain. He took all out sin and brought it with to the cross. He took everything that we have ever done and he took it with him to the cross, and right then and there he showed us how much he cared. I like what someone once said to me... NOTHING that you could EVER do would make GOD love YOU less!

So this Christmas, I want to challenge you to think about the real meaning. And have fun with your family and friends, but give everyone the best gift at Christmas, nothing that costs allot but the gift of friendship and love. Merry Christmas everyone!!

"Stained Glass Masquerade" Casting Crowns

2006-12-21T19:04:00.000-06:00

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

This is a song that I really like, it has a cool meaning to me. Because I see it in our world today. Everyone around us looks strong, and like nothing is ever wrong with them. A lot of times we all look like we are living the good life, and that everything going on in out lives is perfect. And you may look around one day, and you may see how everyone is having a really good day, and it seems like they always have good days, and they are always perfect in their perfect lives. They get perfect this and perfect that and perfect everything. I know that my life isn't perfect, but I never expected it to be. But I bet that some people would say that I look like I have a pretty perfect life too. What it all comes down to is that we all have these masks that hide who we really are. We say that we are strong but really we are weak. We try and make people think that everything is okay when it really isn't. Or maybe we wear the mask to fit in, or for whatever the reason is, we all have them.

I like the end of the song how it goes...

But would it set me free if
I dare to let you see
The truth behind the person
You imagined me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus be
Enough to make you stay

Because sometimes we get so caught up in who we pretend to be, and that is who everyone thinks that we really are, but we never show them who we really are, and if we did... what would they think of us? Would they walk away, and be like.... you aren't really the person who I thought you were, and all this time... lets just say... I thought you were strong, but you are really that weak? Would they still want to be friends with you and hang out, or would they walk away?

Would YOU be ready if one of your friends showed you the real them without their mask and pretending like everything was perfect, would you listen as they told you the real story, or would you just walk away? Just something to think about...

Sharing the Gospel... and Your Testimony

2006-12-20T16:20:00.000-06:00

Have you ever shared the gospel with a friend? Or brought a friend to salvation? How did you go about doing it? When I was younger I led my friend to Christ, and I did it the easy way. She was young, and so was I. I was about 7 and she was 6. So, I didn't really get the whole salvation thing either, but I led her to Christ, and I thought it was wonderful!

But, as you get older, and you try to share salvation with someone now days, that is in their teen age or older, isn't easy, like it was when you were just a kid. Sometimes it take the courage to share some more person things with the person like your testimony. As I said yesterday, I would be willing to share my testimony with people, and I love to hear other peoples testimonies, cause it is cool to see how God works in them, and sometimes you see that it is allot of the same way that God works in your life.

Yesterday I was asked by a friend who wanted to hear my testimony, and I said that I would love to, but really what was going on my head... was I thought you would never ask, what do I say? I ended up typing it all out, and sending it to them. And, I learned by experience that it isn't easy to tell someone else your story, at least for me, it wasn't. I have a testimony that isn't the way that allot of people would think it would go. And, as I sat there and I typed it, I didn't know what to say. And, I know now that it isn't easy to share it with other people. Some of you may have an easy testimony, that is easy to share with other people, but mine shows allot of my weaknesses, and how I really do feel allot of times, but I know that other people don't see it. It is a lot easier to hear other peoples then for me to share mine, but if you want to hear it, I am willing to share it with you too, all you have to do it ask.

So, I understand that what I am saying isn't easy... I have done both. I have shared salvation with someone, and it was easy, but that was to a little girl who was only 6. But, I also have another person that I am trying to bring salvation to, and he is 34, and it isn't as easy to tell him. So I know that it is hard. I also have given my testimony to someone, and I know that isn't always easy either, but it normally goes out for the benefit. I don't know if you have ever heard someones where something cool has popped out to you in it, but I know that I have. But our world right now is a world full of people who still need to hear the gospel, and we don't know how much time we have left. So I encourage you, if you feel God's nudge to do something, do it. God has plans better then out own.

2006-12-19T10:21:00.000-06:00

If you were interested in the testimony that I talked about yesterday... if you want to I would really encourage you to. Here is the link to the video if you want to watch it. I encourage you to take a few minuets, and watch it. Here is the link...http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8411953161437288679&q=%22Voice+of+Truth%22+music+video&hl=en. I would encourage you to watch it, if you want to. So, enjoy!

Testimonies

2006-12-18T21:52:00.001-06:00

Have you ever heard someones testimony that just really touched you in some way? I know that has happened to me allot, and tonight, I was just looking around on Google music videos, and I was looking at ones by Casting Crowns, and I saw one that was about the song..."Voice of Truth" and I decided that I wanted to click on it, and hear it. It was his testimony, and why he wanted to write the song that he wrote, and he said something that really hit me.

"God doesn't need you, he wants you!" The guy went to church, and he heard someone play that he thought was way better then him. And so after the service he sat there, and after everyone left, he went up to this piano that was at the front of the room. He sat down, and he started to play the only 4 cords that he knew, and he just sat there, and got mad at God. He asked God why he had done everything to him that he had done. And as he was mad at God... he questioned him... asking God why he sent him to the school that he was at, the school were he was going to learn to play music, but he couldn't read music. But then he felt God saying to him... "I don't NEED you, I WANT you!"

When I heard that... it went through my head over and over. I didn't get what he meant at first. But, it all came to me... after a little bit of thought. God doesn't have to make us who we are, he could make us all the same, or he could of not made anyone at all, but he chose to make us who we are. He wants us to be the person that we are. He made every fact about us, and he made us just the way he wanted us to be. We are perfect in God's eyes, no matter what we think. Everything in our lives that we may think is bad about us, isn't bad to God. God made us all with a plan and a purpose. And, I know that some of you, who know me have heard me say that allot. But, I think we all need that reminder allot. We don't always understand why God made us the way we are. I have a very different story from allot of people, and all of you who know me, may know that, and you may also not be able to tell how much different my life is. And... when I thought about what he said... that God wants me, and he wants me the way I am. He didn't have to make me that way I was, but he did. And I am glad that he did. Since my life it is not at all perfect... I am able to share that with others, and share some verses that have major meaning to me. And people who have a testimony that is like mine... don't think of it as a bad thing, think of it as... God made you the way that he made you for a reason. He has a plan for you life, even though to you it may not seem that way. He loves you, and he wants you to be his... but you have to let him. You have to let God have your life, and do what HE wants to do with it, not what we want to do with it.

He wanted us, he didn't need us! He wants you... so will you let him take your life, and do what he wants to do with it?

And also, if anyone wants to hear my testimony, if that interests you, let me know! I would love to share it with you!

Questions for Me!

2006-12-17T13:21:00.000-06:00

Hey Guys!! I was just wondering if anyone had anything that you wanted me to talk about, or if you had a verse, a song, a question or anything that you wanted me to talk about? I am open to anything, so if you have something for me, just let me know!

Jesusfreak

Your TONGUE

2006-12-16T11:29:00.000-06:00

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." -Ephesians 4:29

We all have a tongue, right? We use it to talk to our friends, and to everyone everyday. We say stuff all the time. How many words do you use a day? Way more then you could probably ever count! We talk to much that sometimes we don't think about what we are talking about. We say stuff to quickly to actually think about what we are saying.

Our tongue can be a huge weapon. When you think of a weapon what do you think of? And, when I say your tongue is a weapon, do you believe me? It is not a weapon like a gun, but it is something that can hurt someone. But, yo can choose for your tongue to be a weapon, or you can make it a good thing. You can say things to other people that will tear them down, or you can say things to people that will build them up. You can choose for your words to make someone feel good, or to tear someone day.

If you say something mean about someone, you are tearing them down. Has anyone ever said something mean about you either to your face, or behind your back? How does that make you feel? It hurts! So, why do you say something about someone else? Something to think about before you say something that could hurt... if it was me that we were talking about, how would I feel if I knew that we are talking about?

Christmas is in... 9 days.... so, for a gift this Christmas, be an encourager to others. To your friends, build them up by saying something nice about them. Like how much you appreciate them, or how awesome of a friend they are or whatever they are to you, or what you like about them. That is my challenge to you today! Merry Christmas, and don't forget the true meaning of Christmas!

Christmas

2006-12-11T16:51:00.000-06:00

Christmas is just around the corner, only 14 more days till Christmas! I am so excited!

I was thinking about that earlier today, as I was saying that line to a friend, as I was talking about how excited I was for Christmas, cause I knew that it was soon, but I think that too often we get caught up too much in what we get at Christmas, and we forget what a big gift was given to us when God came down to earth, the very first Christmas.

Christmas has turned it to something that we should just do because we get presents, and some of us, we know what Christmas was all about, and the real reason and all that, but we don't really think about how much God really did for us. Too many people know think about Christmas as just a time that you get gifts, and you get to see family, and get new things, and money all that, but we so quickly forget what Jesus did for us.

Jesus was sitting in heaven, a nice place, just like our houses, but like a million times better, and He came down to our world. He was born just like we were born, but He wasn't born in a nice hospital, and he didn't get a nice crib right when he was born, but he was laid in the feeding box of the cows and pigs of the barn that he was born in. He had parents just like ours, and he grew up just like we do. He was a kid once, but he was a really good kid. He was a perfect man, and he was a person that everyone liked. But, the best part of all was that he was so humble, that he died for you and for me. He was a perfect person/man, but he came and took everything that you ever did wrong, so that we could meet him one day, and go and live in heaven with him one day.

Just think of all the pain he look for you that day on that cross. He came to this world for you, he came to do that wonderful thing for you. He was humble, and he was amazing. He was born in a stable, and he lived in a small house growing up. He wasn't rich, and he didn't have everything that we have today. We too often take for granted what we have, we don't think much about Christmas, but presents, and we don't see behind the gifts, to the best present anyone could ever give you, JESUS! Christmas is not about presents, but it is about the greatest gift that anyone could ever have... JESUS! The one who came, was born in a small stable, laid in a feeding box, and then he died, and took all the sins of us, he was an amazing person, the best gift that anyone could ever give!

Merry Christmas, but don't forget the true meaning of this all! JESUS!

Love Your Enemies

2006-12-06T16:19:00.000-06:00

Matthew 5:44

"Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"

You have heard this verse before, right? You have heard someone say to you that you should loves those who hurt you, right? I think that we all have heard this verse before, but we never really put it into play, we just hear it, and don't do anything about it.

Do you have one of those people at school who you would call a bully? Have you ever thought about why they are that way? They are probably that way, because they are around people like that. Let's say, their parent. Maybe they are mean to them, and they are jerks to them, and they hurt them for whatever the reason may be. But, have you ever tried to become friends with one of them? Like, always being nice to them, and treating them in the way that you want to be treated too.

There is someone at my school that I see everyone picking on, and everyone is mean to Bob. (that it's name from now on) Everyone picks on Bob for no good reason, just cause they feel that they can. But, if you were just to give Bob a chance, do you know how that would feel to them? Think about yourself for a minuet, do you have a lot of friends that you hang out with everyday? And friends that are there for you when you need them?

Well, the people who are probably mean to you, are probably the people who don't have any friends, and who no ones gives them a chance to be friends. But, do you know how good it would feel if you were nice to them, and you hung out with them, and tried to be friends with them? And hey, you don't know if they will except it, but they might, and they might not, but at least you tried. And they will probably want to be friends with you, because they don't have any friends.

And, if they don't want to be friends with you, and they are still mean to you, you can pray for them. You have to pray for the people who hurt you, because who is more powerful then God? He can do anything that He wants to do, and he can change the hearts of the people that he wants to change them of, and He can do anything that he wants to do, so we just need to pray for them, and let God do the rest.

So, next time you see someone who looks alone, why not go and sit by them, even if they are the so called "bully", give them a shot, you never know what could happen.

Quote

2006-11-29T16:36:00.000-06:00

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening word, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all which have to potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia

There are allot of times when we don't really think about what we are saying or doing, and there are too many times when we don't think about how much something so simple can do. Have you ever gotten a smile, or a hug, or even a kind work right when you needed it?

We all have those days when everything isn't going very well, and all we need is for someone to once more tear us down, and the someone comes up to us, maybe a friend, maybe someone you though would never do something like that to you, comes up, and gives you a hug or a compliment, a kind word, or even just a smile. Doesn't it just make the day a tiny bit better?

Sometimes there are people out there, who are pretty good at wearing there masks, as I call them, they are pretty good at hiding everything inside themselves, they don't really say how things are going in their life, and they just keep it to themselves, and then there are the people, who speak their mind, and tell you how things are going in their life, but no matter which one they are, everyone needs some encouragement from time to time. We all needs people in our lives that pick us up when we fall, and that are able to make the day better, just by doing little things.

We often don't think about how much just a tiny little smile can do, or just a small touch or hug, anything like that small things in this world. But, we all have had the days when it seems the world is crashing down around us, and, you know, some days, a friend comes up to you, and says, hey, how's it going? Or smiles at you, or gives you a hug, or just what you needed, even though they don't know what is going on in your life, they still are a friend to you.

We often don't think about what the smallest things can do in the lives of other, they can do so much, and we don't even notice how much they impact someone else. So, when you get a chance, or you see a friend down, just give them a simple smile, cause it could turn their life around, or even just their day.

Here is the quote one more time...

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

A Quote

2006-11-27T16:38:00.000-06:00

All I have today is a quote for you...

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening eat, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." -leo buscaglia

Words

2006-11-26T15:42:00.000-06:00

Words.... you use them all the time, you use them to do many thing, that is how I am typing right now, I am using words to tell you what I want to say. We use words so much sometimes we don't even think much about them. We just kinda say them.

Have you ever had someone come up to you and call you a dork, and has someone ever come up to you and said something that you will never forget what they said, cause it made you really mad, or it offend you in some way?

Sometimes we use words so much that we don't even think about what we are saying, and we just say things that we don't think will offend someone, but they do. Do you think about what you are going to say every time before you say it? Most people would say no, because we don't always think before we say something, and that is why we end up saying stuff that we shouldn't say to other people. Stuff that hurts them. Because, you don't know what is going on in their life, you don't know everything about their life, and their day or whatever. You don't know if something that you say will hurt them, but you think that is might, so, if that is the case, do you still say it?

We use words so much that sometimes we just say stuff because we want to, we don't think about the outcome of the words. Do you ever try and make someone laugh? Well, most people would say, yeah, I have made people laugh before, what is wrong with that? Nothing is wrong with making someone laugh, it is the way that you try and make them laugh. If you are trying to make someone else laugh by making fun of someone else, put yourself in their place, if you were the person you were making fun of, and then you heard what you said, how would you feel? Cause allot of times, we won't think about our jokes, and we will just say them, and then we will end up making someone else mad, or hurt them.

Words have a big part of our life, we use them allot, but we should use them to encourage people, not tear them down. We should say nice things about someone, like they look good, or qualities that you like about them. Because, that makes a person feel better, and it doesn't make them have a bad day or whatever. So, make sure to think before you talk, and don't say something that could offend someone, cause you never know, they might be standing right around you, you never know. And, if they are, you have hurt them, and you may say that it doesn't hurt that bad, but you don't know how their day is going, if they are having a bad day, that is one of the last things that they want to hear. It will only make it all worse. So, make sure that you aren't going to hurt someone by what you say. Make sure that your words are going to build someone up, and not tear them down. Just, before you say something, put yourself in their shoes for a little bit......

Proverbs 10:19

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

Time with God

2006-11-24T23:39:00.000-06:00

How much time do you spend with God? Most people would say, I spend a lot of time with him, "when I get the time to." You see, we all have busy lives, and we don't have enough time to spend with God, everyday, or so we say. But, one of the problems that we have, is that we have our priorities mixed up. We would say that God comes first, but when you but that into real words, that means that we actually have to spend time with God, like he is out first priority. We have to make time for Him, we can't expect that their will just be time for Him, but we have to make time.

And then once we make time, we have to keep it, and make it a normal thing that we do every day. We have to make sure that we keep up with it, and not just say we are going to do it, but don't. We actually have to do it.

Some kids, when we go to camp we get on what I like to call a "spiritual high" were we are all on for God, and we say that we are going to keep up with everything. We say that we are going to read our Bibles, and do whatever it takes to be all out for God, but then when we get home, and we get back into our normal things, we don't do it. We don't say with it, we just back out, and go back to our normal lives, and forget about it. But, we actually have to make the rule for ourselves, and actually do it.

So, right now, if you feel open to it, I want you to make a rule for yourself, on when and where you are going to spend time with God.....

Make a list...

1. When

2.Where

And then once you have done that, you have to stick to it. You have to actually do it, and stay with it. And do it, not because you have to, but because you want to. Because you want to learn more about God, and it is normally in those times that God will show you the most amazing things, because he is so amazing like that. We could never understand! So, tonight, or tomorrow morning, start it! It doesn't have to be for a long time, do it even for 5 minuets, and after a little while, the time will just build up, and you will be amazed at how God works in your life. But, you have to make the choice to do it, and to stick with it.

So, what are you going to do? When? Where? Are you going to take the challenge?

Prayer

2006-11-22T22:04:00.000-06:00

When you talk to God, what do you talk to Him like? What are you talking to Him about? Are you just asking request after request, and expecting that He will answer you, and make everything okay?

That is what a lot of people think. They think that they can just ask God for requests after requests, like He is Santa Clause, and He will do everything that you want Him to do. He will make your life perfect, but that is not true. God does not make your life perfect, because if He did, He would never be able to teach you anything, because you would always live a perfect life, and you would not be able to live through the hard times. And God does not answer everything you ask for in a yes, sometimes the answer to your requests are no, and we have to deal with that. But, even if He does say no, He will still help us through them, and when He says no, it is for a good reason. He knows the outcome of everything, and for most people, you learn the most during hard times, and you spend more time with God when it is hard.

Here is a way that you can pray that would help you not to just ask God for everything, but if this, you will also be able to praise Him, and not just ask Him for everything.

P- Praise- Give God word that He is.... start out like.... God, you are... and then say a whole bunch a different things that God is to you, like wonderful, great, amazing...

A- Admit- Admit to God what you have done, and ask Him for forgiveness, and He will give it to you. And tell Him that you are sorry.

R- Request- Ask God for your requests, but don't be so sure that He will answer them in yes, and don't make this take forever, just do the ones you think are most important.

T- Thanks- Thank God for what He has done for you, and just thank Him, for whatever comes to mind.

S- Shut up! Be quiet, and let God do some talking! You have just talked to Him forever, now it is God's turn to do the talking, if you don't hear anything, just listen, and wait.

So, next time you want to pray, make sure that you don't just ask God for everything, but make sure that you wait, and let Him do some talking, and then you will be equal. Let Him and you do talking. Then, you both get some time to talk. And don't just expect that God will do everything for you, He will do everything on His own time, and remember that His answer will not always be yes, but sometimes will be no, but if it is no, He will help you through the rest.

Matthew 6:7-8

And when you pray, do not keep on blabbing like the pagans, for they think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father already knows what you need before you ask Him.

Welcome Home

2006-11-19T19:54:00.000-06:00

Welcome home, you
I know you by name
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So come and sit down
Tell me how you are
I know, son, its good just to see your face

-Welcome Home You- Brian Littrell

This song is the story ofa lott of people's lives. At times, we all astray from God. We go out onto our own path. We get mad at God for whatever reason, and we don't think there is a point in staying on His side, and trying to go along with Him. So, we go onto our own paths. We try to do things on our own, and I can tell you, basically NO ONE can do it! We need help. You can't do something as hard as life, all alone. You need friends, and mostimportantlyy, you need GOD! He is the one you need, and he is the one who can help you with all of your problems.

Sometimes when we go astray from God, we think that there is no possible way that we can go back on His side again, and we think that he could never love us again. But, as the song says, God is standing there, and waiting for you. And when you come to him, he is just waiting for you to come back. He is standing at the door, waiting for you. He waits, and he wait for YOU! He waits for you, because you are his PRECIOUS child, and he waiting for you, because he loves you. No matter how much bad stuff you have done, he still loves you, and he still waits for you. And when you come, he gives you a HUGE HUG, and wants to talk to you. Just like a friend you have no seen for like ever, then when you see them again, then you want to talk to them and hug them, and all that. It is the same with God. He is waiting for you, and he wants you to come back. He created you, and he waits for His creation. He is always ready to be on your side, and help you,youu just have to ask Him.

Think of the song again, read the words one more time, but the words are coming to you, from God, they are a letter from God, and this is what He is saying to you. This is not to anyone, but you...Readd it as if I didn't write this, but God did. And He is speaking to you...

Welcome home, you
I know you by name
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So come, sit down
Tell me how you are
You know, son, it's good just to see your face

God is waiting for you, and when you come, he knows your name, and he wants to know how you are doing now. He wants you to come, and sit and talk with Him. And He says, you know what? I don't care what you have just done, it is just good to see your face. And then, when you say... "God, forgive me for doing that," he says, I already did. And then when you ask Him years later if he remembers what you did, he will say no. He is not like an ordinary friend, he forgives you, and he doesn't even remember them, they just go into the trash, and they are gone. Never to be remembered again, they are gone, and will be. He doesn't remember them. They are gone. Read the words one more time, and put you name in the 1st blank, and then put your name.

Welcome home, ______.
I know you by name.
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So, come, sit down
Tell me how you are
You know son, it's good just to see you face.

Who are you when no one is looking?

2006-11-14T15:49:00.000-06:00

Who are you when no one else is around? Who are you when you are all alone, and no on is watching you? Are you the same person that you are when you are around people? Do you show your Christ like ablitites just around other Christians, and be like another person when you are around someone else? DO you just pretend that you live your life for Christ when you are around people who you think that you should? Do you just ask Christ-like, because you think you should, and because that is what other people think?

If you want to be a true follower, you have to be the same Godly person around non believers, and around strong believers. You have to be the same Godly person, even when no one is looking. Because, if you are not the same Christ-like person when you are around non believers, they will not see God in you. But, if you do act Christ-like around non believers, then they will see that something is different about you, and that maybe they should do what you do too. And, always be prepared for them to ask questions about your faith, and you have to answer honestly. One thing about Christianity, is that you have to be honest. If you are a strong believer, you don't need to act like you don't know God at all, but, if you barely know him at all, you don't need to pretend like you know a lot about Him. You need to be honest with you friends when you know you have messed up, and you need to be honest with God too.

But, what I was talking about is, that you can't just pretend that you know God really well, but you really don't. You can't say that you spend hours reading your Bible, but you really don't. No one knows what you do when you are alone, but if you want to be a true follower of God, you have to even be the same person, a strong believer in Him, even when no one sees you, because God always sees you, He knows everything about you, and you can't hide ANYTHING from God!

So...Who are YOU when no one else is looking?

Marvelous Light

2006-11-13T15:44:00.000-06:00

Sin has lost it's power,
death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen
VICTORIOUSLY!

Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life, you are the way

Where are you running? What are you doing in life? What are some of your main goals in life?
Are you running from the bad things in your life? Trying to push them away?

I was talking to a friend today, and she brought up this song, and I was like.... I LOVE THAT SONG! Cause I do, but after she said that, it got me thinking... What is this song talking about? And, honestly, I didn't really know. So, I thought about the song, and I think that God revealed something to me from that song. As I was trying to find something to talk about on my blog, this is what I feel that the Lord wanted me to talk about, or else he wouldn't of let me type this.... But anyway. I got to thinking about this song.... And something popped out to me.

This question.... What are you living for? And, not to think much about it, I thought you Lord, of course, there is nothing else to live for. But, I got to thinking about that, and it is not easy to live for God, it just isn't! It is hard to be the one to stand out in the crowd, it is hard enough to fit it, and then right when you start to fit in, say you friend asked you to come to a movie with them, and you say.... Well, I don't know, but you are accaully thinking that you don't want to go see it, because it is a bad movie, and you don't approve. It is hard to say no, that you don't want to go, but that is what you need to do. Another example... Someone is making fun of you friend, or even your enemy. What do you do? Ignore it! That is the easy way out, but what you should do, is ask them to stop, or something like that, but it takes courage to do that, wouldn't you agree?

Another thing is, what are you living for? Is you main goal in life to impress others? Or to serve God, and lead others to Christ? A lot of people on this earth are very self centered, and that would make us want to live our lives for ourselves, and that is what most people do. But, if you take the time to spend time with God, you will end up wanted to live your life for Him and minister about Him whenever you get that chase. But, we don't think about what God did for us, we just think about what we did for ourselves, how we did this or that, but remember that whatever we do here won't come with us to Heaven, any of our popularity, or our friends, or anything, when you get to Heaven, nothing will matter but God, so why don't we live our lives for Him now?

What is your main goal? Who are you living for? If you are a Christian, what is your next step?

Are YOU Ready?

2006-11-09T12:13:00.000-06:00

If you were to die today where would you go? If you were to get in a car accident, and die at this very moment, where would you go? Would you go up and see God, or will you go down into pits, with Satan forever?

At church on Wednesday, we had some people come, and talk to us about their 3 boys, and what happend to them. They did not know, that on their way home from Walmart that day, they would die. They did not know that some drunk driver, talking on his phone, and speeding would run into them. They did not have warning. Only, about 2 secondeds, and that is not enough to become a Christian, and ask Christ into your life, and let Him become the Lord of your life, and live in your heart forever. You just see the car, and they next thing you know, you are dead.

Sad though to think about, itsn't it? But, it is true. It could happen to anyone, at any time, right now, tomorrow, whenever! So... are you ready?

Yo may be thinking, well, I am not a Christian, but how can I become one, and this is ALL you have to do...
a) you have to admitt to God that you are a sinner
b) you need to ask God for firgiveness for your sins
c) you have to ASK Christ to come into your life
d) you need to ashk Him to be the Lord of your life

And then, once you have done that, you are apart of the family of God, so welcome! When you die, you are going to go to Heaven, and live with God, and all the other Christians. And once you have done that, LIVE you LIFE for God! Live every moment as if God was standing right next to you, because He is. He is standing next to you, and being a friend that will always be there for you. He is like a friend that will never leave you! He will always be there for you, and the friend that you can come to for everything, He will listen, because He loves you. So much that He took the punishment for all of your sins! He loves you so much that he took alot of pain for YOU! A sinner! He took it all so that you could come into Heaven when you died, and live with Him forever when you die. He took the pain of the cross, the pain of being whipped, and the pain of everything, just for you! He loves you! And it is AMAZING! GOD IS AMAZING!

So... if you were to die today, where would you be headed?

The WORST Days

2006-11-02T19:17:00.000-06:00

Do you ever have those days where you feel like God is out to get you? And you are like, God, why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me go through this?

Sometimes, I do that, I think everyone does. Especially when you are having a bad day, and everything seems to be going down the drains. First, you get up, and your family gets mad at you for this or that, and then you get to school, hoping to forget about it all, and then your friends are mean to you, and don't listen, and yell at you, and it just seems like you life is in the dumps! Everyone is leaving you, except one person... So you go and you want to talk to them, and they turn you away, and say they have their own things to deal with. And push you away, or are TOO honest with you! Like they say stuff that you know is true, but you don't want to hear it at the time, and they don't even care, cause they don't understand! So, you walk away, and feel like you are all alone, and no one wants to talk to you, and your days seems like it will never end.

And you start to question God, and ask Him WHY this is happening to you. But, you know what an even better question to ask God would be? Is, to ask him, HOW will you work through me today? And to me, that is hard, cause it is like, why would God want to show me something from such a losey of a day, but you know what? He is planning to work through it, God opens doors for you, and he closes doors for you, and maybe by some stuff that he is letting happen is because he wants to tell you... you know what, that friend isn't right for you, or you should be able to speak to this person, and God will show you your real friend through that.

Some days, you are like, how do I know who my REAL friends are? And, this is all I have to say, the real friends are the one who are who they say they are, and listen when you want to talk, and the people who build you up, not put you down, but you have to understand, that everyone is not perfect, and there is times when you will mess up, and sometimes the HARDEST thing to do is forgive, but you have to realize that when you mess up, don't you want the person to forgive you? So, why not forgive them!

And, so when they days are rough GO TO GOD, and ask Him, how he wants to show you stuff through what is happening, and what he wants you to do, and how he wants you to Handle it all, and everything like that! Because, he will ALWAYS help you through it all! He loves you, and he made you with a plan, and a purpose! HE LOVES YOU MORE THEN ANYONE ON THIS EARTH COULD EVER LOVE YOU! And he know what will happen to you, no matter good, or bad, and he will work through it with you, because he loves you that much!

"Mirror" (BarlowGirl)

2006-10-31T16:17:00.000-06:00

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Have I got it?
'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am
I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect
So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me

Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don't need to listen To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me
And to Him I have beauty beyond compare
I know He defines me

You don't define me,
You don't define me

This song I think is cool, because it is talking about how the world sees you... Like a mirror, and you are supposed to be just like it on the wall. You are supposed to be perfect, and look just like everyone else.

And, looking into a mirror, is how the world sees you. They see the outside of you, but that is not what matters. So, in the seconded verse, they are talking about the way God looks... The inside, and that a person is now seeing how God is looking at them.

For, all he cares, you could be the biggest dork on the planet, and God wouldn't care. All God cares about is what is on the inside of you, he doesn't care what the world thinks of you, because no matter what, no matter what you look like on the outside, that won't matter to God. All he cares about is about your heart. Are you right with him? Have you accepted Him? Because, the one thing that God cares about the most, is knowing that you have the passage way to heaven. That you will not have to go down deep into the first pits of Hell, but you will be able to live with peace, and live in the wonderful place called Heaven, with him, forever and ever.

So, try to follow God's ways, and look at the inside of a person, the way they act, not the way they dress, and all the outside stuff, but look at what really goes on in their life, and everything like that. And other people will start to see a difference in you, and may want to follow you. You don't want to be looking in to the mirror of perfecting, but the ways of God.

Darts

2006-10-26T19:09:00.000-05:00

This is one thing that I got from my friend, and I think it is so true. Read it, and then I will comment at the bottom.

"One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day. On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry , and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture. Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend . Another friend drew a picture of his little brother . Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved. The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart . Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith , because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall. Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus . A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced. Dr. Smith said only these words... " In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me ." Matthew 25:40. No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ."

Have you ever put someone down? Or torn someone up? Cause you didn't like them? Or cause you were mad at them? Have you ever hurt you bro or sis, cause you were mad at them? If you are a person, aka a human, you most likely have. But, do you know who you are really hurting when you hurt the person?

Yeah, you think, I do, who? Well, of course you hurt the person, but that is not the only person, you also hurt God. Why you may ask? Because, well lets make another senerio. Have you ever put somone down? Or said mean things to them, or about them? Do you know who created them? God did, and he created them in his own image, so if you make fun of them, you are also making fun of God, in a sense. Because God created them in his own image, and he made them the way he wanted them to be, so why make fun of someone? Would you want them to do the same to you?

And remeber next time you want to make fun of someone that you are accually makeing fun of their Creator too. He loves you, and he loves them too, and he make them with a perfect plan, and same with you. So, next time you want to hold a grudge against someone, think about what God would do, and who all you are hurting. And think twice.

Genisis 1:27
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

"How Great Is Our God?"

2006-10-24T18:10:00.000-05:00

The splendor of the King,
clothed in majesty
Let all the rejoice, all the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at his voice, and trembles at his voice

How great is our God,
Sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see How great,
how great Is our God

Age to age he stands
and time is in His hands Beginning and the End,
Beginning and the End The Godhead,
Three in One Father, Spirit, Son
The Lion and the Lamb,
Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
how great is our God

Have you ever thought about that song? HOW GREAT is our God? Have you ever thought about what you were really saying when you said those words? How great is our God? Really, how great is he to you?

Think about God for a sec........ How great really is he? What did he do for you, you may ask? Well, Christ died for YOU and he died for ME! He was perfect, and he died foe ME and YOU, because he wanted to save US! And for some people who have heard that so many times, it is kinda getting old, you know that Christ died for you, but you don't take the time to think about what accually happened to Him, cause you heard it when you were young, and they did not want to scare you by saying all the pain he went through, but he went through SO much!

He went to the cross, and even before that, he was whipped, mocked, and just take a seconded, and think about it, do you remember when you used to get spanked? (if you ever did) Didn't that hurt? Well, that was Jesus, except it was over and over again, and rocks were thrown at Him, and everything, then he went up to the cross, and carried the heavy cross up the hill, and then he was NAILED to the cross! With nails, through his hands and feet, and then he hung there, he did not take any of the pain reliever that the crowd offered Him, but he just left it out, and endured all the pain, and before all of this, they had also put a thorn crown on his head, and they put it deep down into his head about 2 inches, think about how painful that was, and he was perfect, yet he still did it. And then, he took every sin that you will ever do, and he took them all, and endured them! Even His own father forsaked him, because he had so much sin on Him! But, who did he do it for???? YOU!! He did it for you! And he forgave you for everything YOU did, and will ever do! Think about all the people in the world, and how many times they sin? SO many, and he took all of the sin of everyone with HIM, and died!

And even though you sin so much, he still wants you to be part of his family, so, if you have not come into God's family yet, you know what.... he is standing knocking at your door, and wants you to come in. All you have to do is ask, and admit that you are a sinner, and he will let you in to the family, because he LOVES YOU!!!!!! And he cares so much about you! Don't EVER forget HOW MUCH GOD LOVES YOU!!

Verse:

John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have entrench life.

We truly have such an AMAZING GOD!! How GREAT is OUR GOD?

Continuation

2006-10-23T20:16:00.000-05:00

Who is God to you? Who do you talk to him as? A friend? A God? Do you tell him what goes on in your life? But, you are thinking...why should I tell God what goes on in my life, he already knows! And yes, that is true, God does know what is going on in your life, but he wants to hear it from you. He knows how things are going to turn out, but he wants you to talk to Him, and let him know how things are going.

And, how can God know to help you if you do not ask Him to help you through it? And how does he know you want help? YOU HAVE TO ASK! God cannot read you mind, well he can but he wants you to ask! He wants to help you, and be your friend, but you need to talk to Him.

So, do you tell God what you would tell a friend? OR even more? You should be able to tell God anything, and call to Him whenever you need Him, and ask Him what you want to ask Him, and he will answer you. But, do remember that his answer will not always be yes, I will, or of course, I will do this or that, because that is SO NOT TRUE! God knows what is going to happen in your life, and he will not just tell you everything that will happen to you right away, you have to wait, and see God's great plan for you.

So, talk to God like you would talk to a friend, because he cares about you, and will listen to you for however long you need to talk.

Verse:
Sorry, I don't have time to get one, cause I have to go to bed, cause it is late, I will add one tomorrow!

Got some friends?

2006-10-21T12:27:00.000-05:00

Take a moment, and think of you friends. Do you have alot? Do you have any? I think of mine, and I have alot, and then I look to my right, and I see people with no friends at all. And, guess who has turned them away, said mean things to them, looked down on them, made fun of them...? Me! And then I think.... Why am I doing this? How would I feel if no one wanted to be friends with me?

To me, friends are a big part in my life. Since I do not have a mom, it can be hard to talk to my Dad about stuff that goes on in my life, and when I am down, my friends are ALWAYS there to pick me up, and listen when I need to talk. I totally feel that God has blessed me with such great friends. But, have you ever seen someone who was walking alone? Or who was sitting at lunch by themselves? What do you do? Do you look at them and laugh? Or, do you go and sit there with them, and talk to them, like they are you friends?

But, do you have a friend that you can come to at 3:00 in the morning, and who will not be crabby, and will listen to you for as long as you want? Do you have someone that is with you, and that will never leave you, and that no matter how many times you mess up will still be you friend? And will forgive you? Do you have a friend that can do all that, and more? I do, and his name is JESUS! He is the one who will always be there for you, and will not leave you, and will listen when you need to talk, and the person, who has ALREADY forgieved you of everything that you will EVER do wrong! Isn't that AMAZING?

Have you ever thought of that Jesus is your friend before? I mean, I have, but I did not really think about it literally, till about a few days ago, when a friend was talking to me, and we were talking about friends, and they were like, I don't have any friends at school, and I was like, that's too bad! And they were like, accually I am not sad, it is totally fine with me, cause I have a friend that will always be with me no matter what, and his name is Jesus. And I was like, wow! I like your point there! And I though that was so cool, because you know what, we do have a friend that will never leave us, and always be our friend! And that is so cool! AND HIS NAME IS JESUS!

Proverbs 18:24

But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Struggles?

2006-10-19T11:28:00.000-05:00

Do you have struggles in your life? If you were honest with yourself, most likely, you answer would be yes. And if you are just lucky, maybe the answer is no, but then, you are blessed!!!!! But, anyway... Back to what I was saying...How do you respond to your stuggles? Do you get mad at God for them? Do you ask Him to help you throw them? Do you thank God for them?

You are thinking to yourself...Why in the world did she say, THANK GOD FOR THEM? I know, that can be so hard, but sometimes, God works through them, and you should NOT get mad at him for it, because you have no idea what the outcome will be. Maybe, you will be able to help others who stuggle in the same way you do, maybe it will bring you closer to God, who knows? But, God works for the GOOD of those who love Him.

So, next time you are struggeling with something in your life, come to God, and ask, What do you want me to do? And DON'T say, GOD, WHY ME?? Cause that would be some peoples normal response, but YOU don't know what GOD is planning to do through you and your struggles. You just have to trust that God will help you through them! Because, if you ask, he will!

Verse-
Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Is it hard to understand the Bible?

2006-10-10T20:55:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been reading you Bible, and it seemed that it made NO sense at all! Well, I feel that way sometimes. But, I found it easier to read when I take the time to read it, and when I ask God to help me understand it, and teach me new things through it, and he normally does. But, I mean, it does not work if you only read your Bible, because you know you should, and you rush through it, but it normally will come to you when you spend your time on it, and wait to learn something that God wants to teach you.

I used to find everything in there made no sense, but I have been spending time reading the word, and accually thinking about what it say, and it all has come so much clearer to me. And I have learned that you have to take you time, and let God speak to you, and be patient. I mean, some days it may be hard, but God will help you! He loves you, you are his child, made with an awesome plan, and he loves you so much. And he will show you when it is his time.

So, that is all I have for this post. But, I am kinda running out of stuff to say, so if you have anything you want me to talk about, feel free, do not be shy! Just ask!

Jeremiah 33:3
'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

*and yes, I know I have already put this verse, but it seemed to fit, so I put it again!

2006-10-08T13:28:00.000-05:00

All I want, to be with you
More and more each day
I find that I turn away
But still youre calling my name

I dont talk to you Jesus
I dont sing to you Jesus
I dont call you Lord my God
I wont die for you Jesus
Not my life Jesus
This race Ill run my own

Do you ever feel this is what you are saying to God? You don't purposelyrpsoly, but you turn away from God, and tell him that you do not need his help. But, you want to be closer to him, but how can you become closer if you do not spend time with Him? To become closer to Him, you have to spend time with Him.

Just like, if you have a friend, and you want to become closer, what do you do? Do you talk to them? And spend time with them? Well, if you want to become closer to God, you need to pray to himspendd spen time in the Word, and maybe you are not an alone person, but you like to be with other people. So, maybe you want to start a Bible Study with you and some friends, and talk about God there.

So, try to makehabithabbit every day to spend time with God. Set aside a time each day when you can spend time with Him. And maybe start with only 10 mins, and let the time keep growing, and growing, and soon, you will feel close to God. And ask Him to help you too, and he will help you.

Jeremiah 33:3

'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' (NIV)

'Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.' (The Message)

2006-10-07T09:17:00.000-05:00

Life, we all have one. And some of those days are the worst days of your life, and some days are the best!! But you know those days when you are down, and you just want to talk to someone about it? Have you ever had one of those days?

I have, and sometimes people come up to you, and ask you how you are, but then they just talk about their day for the rest of the billion mins. And, to you, what does that mean to you? Do you kinda just feel objected??? Like, they do not care what is going on in your life, but theirs is what matters most? And then there are the people who are quiet, and you cannot talk to them, and you do not want to ask them to talk, and no one asks you if you want to talk. Sometimes it is hard to hold everything inside of you, and still try to "live".

But, to rap this all up, you know what?? There is some one who will talk to you whenever you want someone to talk to, and be your friend when you need one, and be by your side all the time? Do you know how that is?? GOD!! He loves you so much that he will be there whenever you need someone to talk to, and he will not push you away, or say can we talk later, like maybe your friends would do, but he will talk to you, and be your friend, and listen to you all the time, and be the friend that you can run to whenever you need to talk. And, all you have to do is pray to Him, and tell him you just need to let out your mind, and it will probaly make you feel better, and make your day better too!

Jeremiah 29:12
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you

"Amazing Love"

2006-09-29T21:30:00.000-05:00

I'm forgiven, because you were forsaken
Im accepted you were condemned
And I'm alive and well your sprit is within me
Because you died and rose again

Amazing Love how can it be
That your my king who died for me
Amazing Love I know its trueIts my joy to honor
you (in all I do I honor you)

You are my king,
you are my king ,
Jesus you are my king
Jesus you are my king

-Amazing Love

Have you ever thought about what those words mean? I did not really think about it that much until this week. We were singing this song, and the words just hit me, they all of a sudden popped out to me, and I was like WOAH! Read the words again, the first verse...

I'm FORGIVEN, because you were FORSAKEN.

I mean, think about it... We are forgiven, and we do not have to live with sin, but there was this guy that came, and was perfect, but took all of our sins! He loved us so much that he would do that!

I'm EXCEPTED, you were CONDEMNED.

We get to be with other people, and other people love and care for us, but Jesus was hated by many, and most people did not like him. But, yet we are accepted by lost of people, and they love and care for us. And he still loves us so much, and care for us so so much!

And I am ALIVE and WELL, because YOU DIED and ROSE AGAIN!

Just think... He went through all that pain for YOU! He cared so much about you that he cared, and he died on the cross, like the most painful death ever! He did it all FOR YOU!! And then, he came back to life, and now lets us have eternal life. I mean, WOW!

Now... I hope that gives you something to think about! But, that is what was on my heart, so I shared! That song is now added to one of my favorites! I LOVE IT! And I hope you understand it know too! And still, if anyone has anything for me to talk about, I am still taking requests! So, let me know!